Categories
Dating ZZ

Physical Appearance Matters

‘And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.’ 1 Timothy 2:9-10(NLT)

‘She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.’ Proverbs 31:22(NLT)

‘Now do as I tell you—take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking. ‘ Ruth 3:3(NLT)

There are some practical matters to consider when it comes to meeting the person the Lord wants you to marry. There are practical things to keep in mind. I know we can place too much emphasis on appearance. In our culture, if we’ve been out of balance, it’s certainly been on the side of putting too much stress and importance on how we look. On the other hand, sometimes within the church we get the impression that it doesn’t matter how you present yourself or it doesn’t matter about your appearance. I believe we need to teach that appearance does have some importance. 

Your appearance can certainly say that you’re vain, but it can also say that you’re lazy. What we want our appearance to say is that we are neat, orderly, and godly. Whether male or female, we need to be encouraged to present a good testimony in the way we take care of ourselves. The Bible does not neglect the matter of appearance. The Bible does put more stress on how we look on the inside, than how we look on the outside, which should be our emphasis as well, but it doesn’t teach us to neglect our appearance. 

Paul says in the book of 1 Timothy, “Women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety.” We need that message in our churches; modestly and discreetly. Proverbs 31 describes the virtuous woman as dressed in fine purple linens. She didn’t go out wearing a burlap sack. These are practical things to consider. You can be naïve if you want to and say that appearance makes no difference, but even in the Bible, godly virtuous Ruth took her mother-in-law’s advice and paid attention to the way she appeared when she presented herself to Boaz. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re a young woman who doesn’t take care of her appearance, and every time a young man sees you, your hair is all messed up, and you look like you’re ready to wrestle him; it’s no wonder he doesn’t take any notice of you. You may think, “Well, what’s wrong? I love the Lord.”  You look like you love wrestling. That’s what’s wrong. There’s something to be said for taking care of yourself. These are practical matters to consider when dating and during courtship. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

Categories
Dating ZZ

A Poem for Man and Woman

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.’ Proverbs 31:10-31(NLT)

Proverbs 31 is an acrostic poem. This is God’s truth, and it’s very skillfully written. The Hebrew word translated excellent is used 244 times in the Old Testament. Its basic meaning is strength. In fact, some have translated it as valor. Think about the strengths that are found in manhood, those strengths that may be physical in nature and turn into someone’s character. When used of a woman, the word communicates virtue. That is the excellent wife: a woman who is strong, worthy, virtuous, and a crown to her husband. 

Interestingly, if I were to ask you, when you think about Proverbs 31 verses 10 to 31, do you think these verses are instructions for a man or woman? How would you categorize it? I think we all tend to categorize it as instructions for women. However, I believe this was written as instructions for a son and for a man. This speaks to men greatly. These instructions tell a man what kind of woman is excellent, virtuous, and desirable. This woman that is described in Proverbs 31 is the type of woman you should marry. My point is that this poem is not only for women, but for both man and woman. Men should read it as instructions to not only look for, but pray for. Then trust and wait on the Lord for her. 

Obviously, it is also instructions for a woman. I’m very grateful that God has given me a wife who embodies the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman. She’s not perfect, no woman is, but has those characteristics in her, and that’s God’s grace to her and to me. My wife Jackie was raised in a non-Christian home. She came to Christ in her late teenage years. I share this to encourage anyone who has not been raised in a Christian home, nor has been set with this as a model. My wife didn’t have this kind of model, and so it is good for women who are believers to know that you have everything you need to live this out. God has given you the new nature and the capacity for truth, and He has given you the desire to be who He wants you to be. God will produce these things in your life if you desire it and are teachable. 

I encourage you, man or woman of God, to read Proverbs 31 to have a deeper understanding of who God wants you to be or pray for when it comes to dating and the potential of marriage. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

Categories
Dating ZZ

The Tinder App Culture

‘Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.’ Proverbs 15:22(NLT)

‘Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.’ Proverbs 11:14(NLT)

We live in a Tinder app culture where dating over a long period of time or dating multiple people is accepted and expected before actually finding the one. Is this dating style biblically ideal?

The conventional way over the decades has been of joining and unjoining. Are you teaching yourself divorce by dating and breaking up with different people repeatedly? We could forget that question about methods and look at the principle behind that. The main problem with dating and never settling is that you’re starting with a flawed principle by looking for someone who will make you happy. It’s a carousel ride.  “You make me happy, but then I’m not, so I’m going to go.” And when you find someone who you think makes you supremely happy, then you marry them—and now you’re just waiting for when he or she doesn’t. That’s the carousel dating life. It’s not that if you’ve ever dated more than one person you’re broken beyond repair. It could definitely go the other way, where we pressure people to go from interest, to courtship, and immediately to marriage. That could be paralyzing, but don’t keep looking for someone who excites you more. 

There’s discretion and wisdom. In the Tinder and millennial culture, we have privatized too much. Relationships have become private to us in an app. Even though you have godly Christian friends and a Christ-exalting church, and hopefully and prayerfully godly parents or older influences in your life, you may be keeping your dating life separate from them. That violates the wisdom of Proverbs that says, “In many counselors there are good decisions.” So instead of keeping it private on your phone or on some app or having an attitude of “I don’t want to tell anybody,” why aren’t you involving the church, the greater body of believers, in this colossal decision of marriage or potential of marriage? Seek their advice. Know their thoughts and wisdom as they pursue the Lord, so they may be able to see something that you’re blind to. You don’t want to be in a position of dating someone, and all your friends don’t like that person and that person doesn’t go to church, doesn’t believe like you, but now you have an emotional connection and blinders are up. Why wouldn’t you involve God’s people on the front end, and save yourself heartache from the beginning?

from Christian Courtship And Dating 

Categories
Dating ZZ

Finding the One

Instruction on Marriage
‘Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. For instance, a man who was circumcised before he became a believer should not try to reverse it. And the man who was uncircumcised when he became a believer should not be circumcised now. For it makes no difference whether or not a man has been circumcised. The important thing is to keep God’s commandments. Yes, each of you should remain as you were when God called you. Are you a slave? Don’t let that worry you—but if you get a chance to be free, take it. And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ. God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world. Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you. Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems. But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short. So from now on, those with wives should not focus only on their marriage. Those who weep or who rejoice or who buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping or their joy or their possessions. Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away. I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin. But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this.’ 1 Corinthians 7:1-40(NLT)

‘A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:39(NLT)

Let’s look inside the church. It’s always amazing to me. You’ve got maybe 20 singles in the church, and they’re all praying to find someone to marry. And I want to say, “Look around the singles’ group. That one’s not married, and that one’s not married! So how about going out with each other? Explore that.” I think for that to happen in churches, we’ve got to lower the expectations and pressure. Sometimes young men and women within the church don’t want to go out with each other, because there’s an immediate expectation of marriage. They can’t even get to know each other. Let’s lower the pressure. If I ask you to coffee, it doesn’t mean I want to marry you. It means I want to go have coffee with you, and I want us to get to know each other better. 

The One

“The One.” It’s a term used not only by Christians, but also in our society. How do you know that person is the one? In the church and as believers I would say first, don’t date anyone that you wouldn’t want to marry. That’s a good place to begin–from the standpoint of character. When I was a youth pastor many years ago, I would tell young people, “You’re not in a position to date until you have worked out for yourself a set of principles from the Word of God.” There are no Bible verses on dating. However, work out a set of principles from the Word of God that you won’t compromise even if it means you don’t have any dates. If you’re not willing to lose dates to uphold those standards, you’re not ready to date. You’ll compromise somewhere else. Once that’s in place, it really becomes a matter of desire. Do you desire to spend the rest of your life with this person? It’s wise to go to your parents because they know you very well. Ask them, “What do you think of this person?” Go to your siblings who also know you well and ask them what they think of the person. Go to mature leaders of the church. But above all, look to the Lord. My wife was the second woman I ever dated, and I asked her to marry me on the second date. So, there you go, that’s the way to do it. Not! That’s not the way to do it. We’ve been married for 34 years and love each other with all of our hearts. We’re looking to God. Just like in raising children, we’re dependent on Him. Jackie and I were very young in the faith when we were dating. We didn’t know a lot. 

Do not knowingly violate His word. Take those principles you have set to heart and do not violate or compromise them. If you desire to marry a person and they’re in the Lord and their character is godly, you are free to marry them. In 1st Corinthians 7, Paul was talking about widows saying a widow can marry anyone she wants, but only in the Lord. That’s the standard. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

Categories
Dating ZZ

Courtship & Dating

‘A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:39(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
Husbands
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:1-7(NLT)

A frequently asked question is, “How would you counsel concerning Christian courtship and dating?” Whether it be a single man pursuing a woman or a single woman dating, I would advise you to never compromise what you believe, in order to have a relationship with a person. That’s one of the first things I would say. You need to measure any relationship you desire by the standards of Scripture. We learn in 1 Corinthians 7 that a believer can marry anyone they want, but only in the Lord. That is the standard–someone who knows Jesus Christ; that you have fellowship with them. What fellowship does Christ have with Satan or does a believer have with an unbeliever? So your standard from the beginning is: I’m not going to be with anyone who doesn’t know Jesus.

Second, you need to understand what’s most important. This is true not only in dating but even in marriage. What is most important in a relationship is being with someone who loves God genuinely, so that they have the capacity to love you. In the same sort of way, you will love them out of your love for God. When my four kids were growing up, I told them “I’m not really praying for someone to love you, although I obviously want them to love you, but I’m praying for you to find someone who loves the Lord genuinely and sincerely; because if they love God, they will love you, as long as they walk faithfully with Christ.”

Sometimes I think our young people get caught up on things that are secondary in nature instead of thinking what’s primary in nature: praying and hoping for someone who’s going to love God and can serve the Lord together with them. I’m not ruling out the idea that you find the person you’re going to marry attractive and that you have things in common with them. But it’s amazing how those things change over time anyway. You marry someone that you think is beautiful. Yet there’s no guarantee that our temporal beauty is going to remain. I’m thinking about 1st Peter 3 where a godly woman is taught to win her husband through her godly behavior and to set her attention on the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. So even there, the woman is taught to set her attention on internal and spiritual beauty. Now if she’s to set her attention there, how about the guy who’s going to marry her? Is his attention there? Look for someone who’s beautiful in the Lord, who’s going to love Christ and love you. And don’t be so picky. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Selfishness

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:3-4(NLT)

‘For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.’ James 3:16(NLT)

‘For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”’ Matthew 20:28(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Let’s talk about what an awesome marriage is not! An awesome marriage is not built on selfishness, and that may be the toughest obstacle any of us have to overcome. Selfishness can be one of the biggest and most damaging distractions to a marriage.

What is selfishness? To me, it is when I put my wants, my desires, and my needs above Nancy’s. It is when I want her world to revolve around mine. And although this is really hard for me to admit, there are times I think it should. That is just crazy thinking on my part. A marriage can never be built on selfishness.

Sometimes I can think that I have been a pretty good husband and it is her turn to serve me. I can build a pretty good case in my mind about this. The problem is that a healthy marriage does not work that way. A healthy marriage is not one person getting their way at the expense of the other. A healthy marriage is two people who each day purposely seek to serve each other. And amazingly enough, when both the husband and the wife do that, they each end up getting their needs met.

Bottom line: Serving works; selfishness does not. Serve your spouse each and every day. That is an awesome marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Ask God’s help in putting Him first and your spouse second today. Consistently making that your top priority will take care of your selfishness!

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim shares that an awesome marriage is not built on selfishness. In what ways has selfishness crept up in your marriage?

2. Dr. Kim shares that a healthy marriage is not one person getting their way at the expense of the other but rather that a healthy marriage is two people who purposely seek to serve the other. What can you do this week to serve your spouse?

3. Selfishness creeps up when we are not careful. What can you do to be intentional about remaining selfless in your marriage?

4. Pray and ask God to help you serve your spouse and to not let selfishness creep in.

Resource: 

Use mundane moments for Godly purpose in your marriage with our House Prayer Cards.

Prayer is the single BEST thing you can for your marriage. God is the one who can ultimately change your hearts and your marriage for the better, so inviting him in to do those things is the single best thing you can do for your marriage.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

In-Laws

‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Comedians worldwide seem to get much of their material from in-laws. We stereotype mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law. We can paint pretty negative pictures of them. But I truly believe most parents want the best for their son or daughter and the marriage. But are there times when a couple needs to set boundaries with their in-laws? Yes.

In young couples, this is what I often see. Parents do not see the young couple’s marriage as a separate entity. They seem to want to immerse the new marriage in the family circle. A daughter-in-law or son-in-law can feel like they have lost their own identity within the world of the in-laws.

In some situations, this can be a fine line. But ultimately, every married couple needs to have their own identity separate from their families of origin. If they do not, it can stifle the marriage, and the marriage never gets a chance to grow and develop into all it can be. In this way, in-laws can be a distraction to a marriage.

So if you are the in-law, give the couple the space they need to grow their marriage into everything God would have it be. If you are the couple, together set clear boundaries that allow your marriage to prosper and grow.

Today’s Challenge: What do you think God is leading you to do after reading today’s devotional?

Going Deeper:

1. Dr.Kim shares that every couple needs to have their own identity separate from their family origin. What boundaries do you need to set in place with your in-laws to make sure that you as a couple have your own identity?

2. List 2 ways you can be intentional about having your own identity as a couple apart from your families?

3. Have you ever had a conversation with your in-laws about boundaries? Do you need to?

4. Pray and ask God to protect your marriage from distractions.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Family Origin

‘But if you refuse to serve the Lord , then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord .”’ Joshua 24:15(NLT)

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’ Ephesians 5:21(NLT)

Devotional Content:

My wife Nancy and I grew up in very different homes. I liked the way my parents did things. They were not perfect, but overall they had a great marriage and provided us with a great home. My parents passed down to me the “textbook” for how a mother and a father, a woman and a man, and a wife and a husband are to relate.

The same was true for Nancy. She had a “textbook” from her home. Hers was very different from mine. Our problems came when she took a page from her textbook that was not in mine and I took a page from my textbook that was not in hers. We both thought we were right because we were going by the book—our separate books. Our families of origin were distractions that were killing our marriage, not because they were bad, but because they were different.

We realized we had to work together to write our own textbook of how we were going to live as husband and wife. Over the years of our marriage, we have progressively written our own unique textbook. At times we have brought forward some of the good from each of our families and blended it together. Sometimes we still bring in some of the bad, but we recognize it a lot more easily now and set it aside. When we are on the same page from the same textbook, it makes all the difference for our marriage.

Going Deeper: If there is something from your family of origin that is distracting you from your marriage, commit to working on that today!

Next Steps:

1. What was your family origin like growing up? List 5 characteristics of your family origin.

2. Take time this week to ask your spouse about their family origin. List 5 things you learned about your spouse’s family origin.

3. What negative things from your family origin should you set aside and not add to your new family origin that you are creating with your spouse?

4. Dr. Kim shares that our family origin influences us greatly and that the key is to not let that family of origin distract us from growing our marriage. What can you do to make sure your family origin doesn’t separate you from your spouse and the new family origin you are creating together as a married couple?

5. Write down 3 things you want for your new family with your spouse. What new traditions can you start that will help your marriage grow?

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Technology

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols. ‘ 1 Corinthians 10:13-14(NLT)

‘A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.’ Proverbs 25:28(NLT)

‘You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Another distraction that most of us have to deal with is technology. It is a big issue for me. A lot of my work is accomplished through my computer and my phone. I love being able to connect with people all around the world through technology. It has opened up all kinds of opportunities.

My problem is that it is too easy to connect. I can pull my phone out of my pocket and instantly connect. I can sit down at my computer and be in touch with someone on the other side of the world in seconds. What I have to remember is that the person who is most important to me is in the next room.

I have to put down the phone and walk away from the computer and connect with her. I have taken some practical steps to lessen my temptation to become distracted by technology. Most days I cut myself off from technology at the end of my work day. I try to be “unplugged” one day a week. If Nancy calls or walks into my office, I want her to know she is my priority, and I do what I can to communicate that to her. These steps have helped me. What will you do?

Today’s Challenge: Purposely avoid some of the distractions of technology today and give that extra time to your spouse.

Going Deeper:

1. What are the ways that technology affects your life every day?

2. How much time on an average day do you spend “connected” through technology?

3. When does technology distract you from your spouse?

4. What does “unplugged” mean to you?

5. What is one step you can take today to show your spouse that they are more important to you than “technology?”

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

Categories
Devotion for Women ZZ

A Student of My Husband

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

In marriage, kindness means discerning the unique needs of that specific person. It involves taking the initiative to express care based on what you know of him or her. Kindness in marriage is based on becoming a lifelong “student” of your spouse—seeking to understand that person so that you can best love him or her. The apostle Peter referred to this when he encouraged husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7 NASB). Proverbs encourages a wife to “[look] well to the ways of her household” (31:27 NASB). This kind of understanding paves the way for loving kindness in a marriage. I can show Nick kindness like no one else because I know him so well. For example, I know the shirts he likes and how he needs to have a few minutes of down time after work. I know he likes to hang out with his buddies but there are a few couples who he enjoys as well. I know he prefers to drive, but after a business trip he feels loved if I take the wheel. These demonstrations of kindness are possible because I’ve learned to be a student of my husband.

LISTEN TO JESUS 

Remember, my beloved. I am wonderfully kind, patient, and tolerant of you. It was my kindness, in spite of your sin, that first drew you into a relationship with me. Now I’m giving you the opportunity to share some of that kindness with your spouse. Pay it forward every day. Look for ways to demonstrate kindness with your husband. Be generous as I am generous. Take thought of him just as I think of you a thousand times a day. Finally, remember that sharing truth with one another is important, but that truth needs to be coupled with kindness.

* Jesus, you are so right. You have been patient, kind, and tolerant of me even though I ________. I am grateful for your kindness toward me because ________. I pray that you would empower me to demonstrate this same kindness in my marriage. I need your help to ________.

* Lord, I pray that my husband would have a fresh experience with your kindness as well. May he sense your patience and understanding, and the generous way you love us both. I pray specifically that he would sense your kindness related to ________.

LIVE: DO THE BIBLE (Ephesians 4:32)

* God, remind me often of my husband’s preferences and uniquenesses. Show me the things I need to understand about him. Based on these special things about him, show me ways that I can demonstrate your kindness. Show me ways to be respectful and honoring of him. Show me any areas where I need to forgive, just like you’ve forgiven me. Speak to me, Lord. I’m listening for________.

* Lord, I pray for my husband. Give him a fresh experience of your kindness and tenderness. I want him to soak in your forgiveness. Show him more and more of the ways he is loved by you so that ________.

TAKE ACTION 

• Give your husband an unexpected hug, back rub, or massage. Initiate sex. 

• Serve your husband his favorite meal. 

• Compliment him on his appearance. 

• Praise your husband for his accomplishment or achievement.

from Praying For My Husband