Month: September 2020

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The success connection between business and marriage

‘This is a trustworthy saying: “If someone aspires to be a church leader, he desires an honorable position.” So a church leader must be a man whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach. He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not love money. He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. ‘ 1 Timothy 3:1-4(NLT)

‘For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?’ 1 Timothy 3:5(NLT)

‘He looked around at them one by one and then said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored! ‘ Luke 6:10(NLT)

In 1 Timothy 3:1-4, a bishop is defined as an overseer of God’s works, and this same definition applies to a Christian entrepreneur – he or she is an overseer of God’s works in business. If God has given you the vision to start a business, the business you start is a result of His work, and you are the overseer or CEO.

Therefore, the qualifications to become a bishop are the same qualifications to become a business owner, and from the list of qualifications, one stands out – “you need to rule your own house well.” For a married entrepreneur, this means that your marriage needs to be successful in order to qualify. 

Why? Because the principles that you need to run a successful business God’s way are first learned and mastered by creating a successful marriage. Your spouse is your first customer, and the techniques you learn to make them happy are then applied on a larger scale in business where you have many more customers you are trying to make happy through your products or services. 

This is why in 1 Timothy 3:5, Paul tells Timothy: “If a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the house of God?” This is not because marriage is more important, but because ministry or a Godly business is a larger representation of your marriage. 

Remember Luke 16:10: “he that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.” Your marriage is the least, not in importance but in scale, and your own business is the much.

The training ground for a success business starts with a successful marriage. When we violate this principle, we are disqualifying ourselves from a success business God’s way. 

Over the next few days as you read this devotional and the associated scriptures, don’t get in condemnation but instead allow Holy Spirit to speak to you about restoration and change in your marriage. 

from Revive Your Marriage For Business Success

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Three Little Words

‘“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone,’ you are in danger of the fires of hell. “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. ‘ Matthew 5:21-25(NLT)

‘Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.’ Romans 12:18(NLT)

‘For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.’ 2 Corinthians 7:10(NLT)

In Matthew 5 Jesus is challenging people’s paradigms by giving them a new standard. He begins with this idea that long before something manifests in our lives it takes shape in our heart. And at the core of His message is the practice of reconciliation, because it’s impossible to build a great relationship if we never learn to deal with offense and be reconciled.

Now typically when we think about reconciliation we think about our need to forgive, but forgiveness is a two-way street. It’s not just something we need to extend it’s something we need to receive. The times when we’ve offended people and messed up can actually be catalysts to make our relationship stronger. But to do that we must be able to apologize appropriately. It’s the inability to apologize that neutralizes so many of our relationships. If we apologize right way it brings change in our relationships and hearts.

A good apology begins with three little words, “I am sorry” and it includes responsibility and regret. When you apologize correctly you’re taking responsibility for your actions and expressing regret. This means there is no “but” involved and no excuses. You always lose when you try to excuse.

However, it doesn’t stop there. You also need to express the words “I love you.” The closer the relationship, the greater the opportunity for offense. That’s why those we love often hurt us the most. When you say “I love you” it gives reassurance to the other person. It reminds them you are not their enemy. Love is tested when things are at their worst, not at their best. An apology is a chance to really show someone how you feel about them.

The last thing we need to say in our apology is “Please forgive me.” It’s not an apology if you don’t ask someone to forgive you. These three little words are asking for resolution and restoration. It’s an act of humility because it gives the other person power over you. It acknowledges that forgiveness is out of your control and becomes their choice now. 

I am sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.

Three little phrases. Three little words. So much power.

Questions for reflection.

When you apologize do you express regret and remorse or do you try to explain and excuse? Do you ask for forgiveness at the end of your apology? What would happen if you tried apologizing saying only these three phrases?

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

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Breaking Bad

‘Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” ‘ 1 Corinthians 15:33(NLT)

‘But Caleb tried to quiet the people as they stood before Moses. “Let’s go at once to take the land,” he said. “We can certainly conquer it!” But the other men who had explored the land with him disagreed. “We can’t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!” So they spread this bad report about the land among the Israelites: “The land we traveled through and explored will devour anyone who goes to live there. All the people we saw were huge. ‘ Numbers 13:30-32(NLT)

The relationships we have can propel us toward our future or keep us chained to our past. That’s why it’s so important we approach all of our relationships wisely. When you surround yourself with the wrong people it impacts your thinking, your behavior, and your attitude in a negative way. Right relationships will encourage you, strengthen you and make you more like Christ.

Sometimes we have relationships in our lives that take more than they give. They might not take from us physically, but they drain us emotionally through, negativity, control, temptation and fear. So how do we deal with the relationships that aren’t helping us? While we can’t choose every relationship we have, we can choose to not let bad company have our ear, our mind and ultimately our heart.

We can reduce the impact of negative relationships and still be an example of Christ to them if we do a few specific things. First we need to make sure that we are spiritually and emotionally healthy.  If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to help others. Just like when flying on a plane; in the event of an emergency you place the oxygen mask that drops from your cabin on yourself first before helping anyone else. In the same way we need to make sure that we are spiritually and emotionally secure before we can reach out to help others.

The second thing we need to do is love freely while also standing firm. You don’t have to limit your love for them, but you can limit their access to you. That’s what Jesus did. He loved freely but not everyone had unlimited access to Him personally. He fed the multitudes, He taught the crowds, He commissioned seventy for ministry, He discipled twelve and even within that group He had three (Peter, James and John) that He gave special revelation. Having firm boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care about people, it means you care about the right relationships God has given you to make sure the people who need you get your best.

Questions for reflection.

Are there some areas in your life you need to help yourself before you can be a help to others? Are there some relationships in your life you need to give limited access?

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

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Bless Your Heart

‘As Jesus continued on toward Jerusalem, he reached the border between Galilee and Samaria. As he entered a village there, ten men with leprosy stood at a distance, crying out, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” He looked at them and said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed of their leprosy. One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting, “Praise God!” He fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet, thanking him for what he had done. This man was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, “Didn’t I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” And Jesus said to the man, “Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you.”’ Luke 17:11-19(NLT)

‘“When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, ‘Come in and eat with me’? No, he says, ‘Prepare my meal, put on your apron, and serve me while I eat. Then you can eat later.’ And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do? Of course not. In the same way, when you obey me you should say, ‘We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.’”’ Luke 17:7-10(NLT)

‘You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,’ Philippians 2:5-7(NLT)

One of the key building blocks to a great relationship is gratitude. And in Luke 17 we get some perspective on why it is so easy to be ungrateful and what we can do to begin practicing more gratitude in our lives.

The encounter Jesus had with ten lepers while traveling along the edge of Samaria and Galilee has application with our relationships. These men were living in a middle space – a place between borders and boundary lines. In our relationships, anytime there are not clear boundaries, when there are not clearly defined roles and responsibilities, you can expect the stress and strain of existing in that space to manifest. That’s what’s going on with these men. They’re stuck. Not really in Samaria, but not really in Galilee either.

We’re told that they had a disease called leprosy. Leprosy was a nerve disease that caused you to lose your ability to feel anything at all. It wouldn’t kill you, but it would also never end; you were just in a state of deterioration. This condition they were living with was also the thing that kept them at a distance. It was the thing that kept them from intimacy with other people.

But before Jesus talks about gratitude He confronted the issue of entitlement with His disciples. He teaches us that gratitude starts when entitlement stops. We can’t be grateful for something if we feel entitled to it. Jesus modeled this for us in the fact that though He was God, He took on the role of a servant. In the context of our relationships, our responsibility is to take on the attitude of Jesus – a servant. When you approach your relationships this way it’s not about “What’s in it for me?” It becomes “What can I put into it?”

The story of the lepers shows us that gratitude isn’t based on how good our situation is, but on how good it seems to us. All ten lepers had the same situation and all were healed by Jesus, but only one of them came back and showed gratitude. So stop thinking of gratitude as a byproduct of your circumstances and start looking for a reason to show it.

As the one leper came back to thank Jesus for what He’d done, Jesus told him that his faith had made him “well.” The word “well” translated here is the Greek word “sozo.” It’s a different word used than the word translated “cleansed” in verse 17. Sozo means, saved, forgiven and whole. That means the one who came back to express gratitude received something none of the others did. All ten were healed, but only one was made whole. The truth is, showing gratitude isn’t an obligation, it’s an opportunity. It’s not about what it does for the other person, it’s what it does in your own heart and how it changes you.

Questions for reflection.

Do you approach your relationships with what you can get out of them or what you can put into them? Are there things you’re ungrateful for because you feel entitled to them? What are the things you can express gratitude for in your current relationships? 

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

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Put It Together

‘So I arrived in Jerusalem. Three days later, I slipped out during the night, taking only a few others with me. I had not told anyone about the plans God had put in my heart for Jerusalem. We took no pack animals with us except the donkey I was riding. ‘ Nehemiah 2:11-12(NLT)

‘Ezra the scribe stood on a high wooden platform that had been made for the occasion. To his right stood Mattithiah, Shema, Anaiah, Uriah, Hilkiah, and Maaseiah. To his left stood Pedaiah, Mishael, Malkijah, Hashum, Hashbaddanah, Zechariah, and Meshullam. Ezra stood on the platform in full view of all the people. When they saw him open the book, they all rose to their feet. Then Ezra praised the Lord , the great God, and all the people chanted, “Amen! Amen!” as they lifted their hands. Then they bowed down and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground. The Levites—Jeshua, Bani, Sherebiah, Jamin, Akkub, Shabbethai, Hodiah, Maaseiah, Kelita, Azariah, Jozabad, Hanan, and Pelaiah—then instructed the people in the Law while everyone remained in their places. They read from the Book of the Law of God and clearly explained the meaning of what was being read, helping the people understand each passage.’ Nehemiah 8:4-8(NLT)

The book of Nehemiah is a book about building and restoration. The city of Jerusalem was in ruins and the walls were broken and burned. When Nehemiah learned of its condition he set his heart to see it repaired.

In chapter eight we see how God used Nehemiah to connect people back to His plan and His purpose. It shows us that this building project wasn’t just about a wall renovation. It was about a restoration and revival in people’s hearts. Maybe those are good words to describe what you want to see God do in your relationships. But notice Nehemiah’s story didn’t begin in chapter eight with revival. It started when he surveyed the actual state of things and understood the work that needed take place.

Maybe when you look at your situation it seems like your relationship is broken and burned. The good news is that broken things can be rebuilt and burned things can be restored. In the book of Nehemiah the revival and restoration didn’t happen until they began to build with what was already there. This principle is also true with our relationships. It is easy to focus on the area that is broken down; it could be trust, communication, respect or any number of others things. But just because something is wrong in a relationship does not mean something is wrong with the relationship. 

Even if you feel like your relationship is in pieces currently you can discover the joy and satisfaction that comes with building something great out of the pieces. In fact, maybe it’s in pieces on purpose. Think about Legos. They come in a box with a picture of what’s possible, but the only way to experience everything the box has to offer is to build with the pieces it contains. Our relationships are the same way and God wants to help you put the pieces together. He’s got the knowledge and instructions to take what you think is broken and build a great relationship.

Questions for reflection.

Have you been hoping for a restoration or revival in a relationship before you’ve taken inventory of the situation? What are the pieces that you can use to build toward God’s purpose in your relationships?

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

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1st Marriage ZZ

Joyful Giving

‘You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” ‘ 2 Corinthians 9:7(NLT)

‘Giving a gift can open doors; it gives access to important people!’ Proverbs 18:16(NLT)

‘The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.’ Proverbs 11:25(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Most of the year I do not get very excited about shopping, but Christmas is different. I like to look for that “perfect gift” that will surprise and delight the receiver. I never begrudge the time it takes to shop at Christmas. Instead, it is a time of joy. For most of us, giving is part of our birthday, anniversary, or holiday celebrations. It is a way for us to express our love and care for those who mean the most to us in our lives.

So how does this apply to marriage? For me, each day is an opportunity to put those same principles of giving into my marriage. Each day I want to show Nancy how much I love her and how much she means to me. I want to do things for her that delight her. I want to look for ways to surprise her so that our marriage is always exciting. Most of all, I want all the effort that I put into my marriage to be done with joy.

As you celebrate the many birthdays, milestones, and holidays in your life, think of ways to take that spirit of giving and put it into your marriage each day. That is another part of building an awesome marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Today look for one way to joyfully surprise your spouse.

Going Deeper:

1. When do you enjoy giving?

2. Is giving something that is joyful for you or not?

3. Dr. Kim talks about daily ‘giving’ to your spouse. What are some ways you can do that?

4. Pray that God will increase your joy in giving to your spouse.

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

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1st Marriage ZZ

Learning From Your Mistakes

‘The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.’ Proverbs 24:16(NLT)

‘I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ‘ Philippians 3:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Nancy and I met on a blind date. For me, that first date was awesome; but according to Nancy, it was awful. In fact, it was so bad for her that she told her friends she would never go out with me again! But three weeks later she did, and we began a friendship that turned romantic and ended in marriage two years later.

Just like any marriage, our marriage has not been perfect. We have said things to each other that we should not have said. We have shown anger to each other. We have made terrible mistakes. In fact, our early years of marriage were so up and down that by the sixth year we were on the verge of divorce. We loved each other, but we were not making our marriage work at all. We were lost and had no idea what to do to save our marriage. Thankfully, we committed to getting help, and God began to turn our marriage around.

After everything Nancy and I have gone through, I would not trade our marriage for anything. We have both grown as we have learned from our mistakes. God has turned something that was a real mess into a truly awesome marriage. He can do the same for you.

Today’s Challenge: Since no marriage is perfect; commit to learn from your imperfections and allow God to intervene in your marriage.

Going Deeper:

1. Talk about your first date. What did you do? Where did you go? What did you think about each other?

2. What are some of the mistakes you have made in your marriage?

3. What have you learned from your mistakes?

4. Do you need help in turning your marriage around? If you answered yes. will you commit to begin praying for your marriage together daily and seek the counsel of a Pastor or Christian Counselor?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

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1st Marriage ZZ

Accepting Your Differences

‘Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. ‘ Romans 14:1(NLT)

‘May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. ‘ Romans 15:5-7(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Devotional Content:

I talk to a lot of couples who are dating or engaged. Often I hear the same lines from many of them: “We are so much alike.” “We like all the same things.” This is usually good and is probably one of the things that attracted them to each other. After all, we need to have things in common if we are going to make a marriage work.

But what about differences? They exist in every relationship. We just don’t always see them or we minimize them or we think they will disappear after we get married.The truth is that while two people can like the same things, they are different. The idea is not to try to marry someone who is just like you. First, that will never happen. Second, it would really be pretty boring. Differences are a part of life. The key in marriage is how we handle our differences!

Nancy and I have a lot in common—especially after more than forty years together. But we also have a lot of differences. One of the qualities I liked about Nancy when we were dating was that she was very independent. I felt that we had a healthy dating relationship, and for the most part we really did. But after we married, I wanted my independent wife to depend on me.

I wanted to take care of her, and she thought I wanted to control her. We spent too many years trying to change each other, and that was miserable. When we finally decided to accept our differences and see them as strengths for our relationship, most of our conflicts stopped. It was a long, painful process, but I had to learn to both value and embrace her independence in our marriage.

Once I finally got there, I was able to see the value her independence brought to our marriage—something I had been missing out on. Also, once I accepted her as she was, she let her guard down and we connected in a way we never had before.

Do you accept the differences between you and your spouse? You can either let your differences pull you apart and allow them to be a source of conflict or you can accept and celebrate your differences. I happen to believe that God made us all unique and that our differences are what make our marriages truly special.

Today’s Challenge: Accept and enjoy your differences instead of letting them pull you apart.

Going Deeper:

1. Name three ways you and your spouse are alike.

2. Name three ways you and your spouse are different.

3. Was there a quality that you liked in your future spouse while you were dating that has been an issue for you in marriage? How have you handled that?

4. Are there differences you are having trouble accepting in your spouse? What are they?

5. Make a list of these and then put two positive things under each of them.

6. Are you going to accept your differences and embrace them as a gift from God or are you going to let them pull you apart?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

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1st Marriage ZZ

Knowing How To Love

‘Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’ 1 John 4:7-8(NLT)

‘“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. ‘ John 15:9-14(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT)

Devotional Content:

We all have different needs and preferences when it comes to giving and receiving love. For example, Nancy feels loved when we spend quality time together. She feels valued and cared for in our moments together. In the early years of our marriage, it took me awhile to figure it out. I really did not understand what love languages were and how they affected a marriage.

I always wanted to show her how much I loved her but was mystified when she would respond in an unexpected way to the things that I did. She always appreciated the gifts I gave her and the help I offered with the housework. She would smile and say thank you when I affirmed her with words, but nothing made her feel loved like quality time together.

It has been important for me to carve out quality time for us to spend together each day. There are times when that is more difficult and things can get in the way. Often the things that get in the way are not bad things at all, but they just keep us from spending uninterrupted time together. I have to make sure that I give my wife what she wants and needs—my time. When I do, it serves as a building block of an awesome marriage..

Today’s Challenge: Take the time to share your love needs with each other and then discuss how to meet those needs.

Going Deeper:

1. When do you feel the most loved by your spouse?

2. What is your ‘Love Language’ as defined by Dr. Gary Chapman:

  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Physical Touch
  • Gifts

3. What is your spouse’s love language?

4. What are some of the ways you can connect with your spouse on their love language?

5. What will you do today to show love to your spouse?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Attitude

‘throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.’ Ephesians 4:22-24(NLT)

Attitude can have several meanings, both good and bad. But for the purpose of a connection killer, attitude is that antagonistic, pessimistic, mean, and cold spirit that could use a good adjustment. When dealing with people, attitudes determine our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, so if we don’t have a good handle on them, they can create a disconnection as others attempt to shield themselves from the toxic effects. Attitudes can also become contagious and alter others’ behaviors both positively and negatively, which makes an even greater case to get them in check. 

Attitudes are not quick gut decisions but rather long-term opinions that come from processing four components: whether or not we feel that we will gain or experience a loss from the other person, our framework that we have created to understand others, our internal value system or moral code, and an ego defense to protect self-worth. The effort level to change how we perceive these components can vary, but the good news is that we have the ability to make it happen.

If someone has an attitude toward you, then you can explain in a friendly way how you can add value, attempt to uncover their understanding of you, discuss good morals, and/or preserve their ego to try to reverse the polarity. And if you notice that you have the attitude that day, then do the same for yourself by finding their value, looking for a personal bias or prejudice that could be hampering your understanding, reminding yourself about your moral code, and humbly dropping your ego. 

It may not change overnight. An attitude can be like a bad habit that’s hard to break. It may take several injections of positive experience and reframing before you notice a change. Defeating an attitude requires numerous attempts at more patience, kindness, and love. Challenge your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Then over time, you’ll see the benefits as you connect more and avoid those costly disconnections. 

Luckily for us, God never needs an attitude adjustment. God always wants the best for us and sees us as valuable, special, and full of purpose. God is love, and he loves us so much that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

Pray:

God, help us bring kind thoughts, feelings, and behavior into relationships so that we can rejoice with cheerful attitudes.

from Connection Killers