Month: September 2020

‘Then the Lord said to me, “Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.’ Habakkuk 2:2(NLT)

‘Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write down all these instructions, for they represent the terms of the covenant I am making with you and with Israel.”’ Exodus 34:27(NLT)

‘Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.’ Romans 15:4(NLT)

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”

—Matthew 7:7-8 ESV

When Jesus urged his followers to ask, seek, and knock, he was saying the only way to have something is to first ask for it.

To have, we need to ask. If we don’t ask, we don’t have. That’s the clear teaching of the Bible.

It’s true in our marriages, too. In order to learn about our wives, we husbands need to ask them questions. For example, try to understand your wife’s past and how it influences her present. Ask her opinion about issues of the day. Ask how she arrived at those conclusions. What books or blogs is she presently reading? Who has she found particularly compelling? Who is influencing her thinking?

Then share with her some of the issues you’re struggling with. It may be a difficult relationship or a problem at work. Or it may be an issue in local or world affairs. Ask her opinion. “What do you think I should do about this? How would you handle it? Do you have any insights that could help me?” She may not know the answer. She may not even be able to completely understand your problem. But she’ll deeply and sincerely appreciate the fact that you asked. Indeed, she’ll feel honored that you respected her opinion enough to ask.

Be sure to ask her what things you do that she likes. Then ask her what you do that she doesn’t like. Get clarity if you need it. Find out the ways you embarrass and encourage her. Find out what she admires and doesn’t admire. Ask for specifics. If you don’t understand, ask again for more information and clarity.

Now that you’ve asked and listened, it might be helpful to make a list. That’s right—a list. If God knew the importance of writing down information and making lists, how much more should we husbands? To the prophet Habakkuk, he said, “‛Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it’” (Habakkuk 2:2). 

Write down what you do that she loves, then write down what you do that she hates. Write down her favorites and least favorites, sweet memories, and hard times. This list will grow throughout your years of marriage and will serve as a blessing to both of you as you draw from it to love your wife well.

•  How often do you ask for your wife’s opinion on your own problems or circumstances?  
•  Do you feel cared for by people in your life when they ask questions about you?
•  What items would be on your list of learnings about your wife if you were to start it today? 
•  How can you use this list to love your wife when things are going well? What about when   things are rocky? 

from God’s Advice For Husbands

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

‘Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:’ Proverbs 31:28(NLT)

When you study your wife’s life, you’ll begin to empathize with her. These two parts go hand in hand. It’s difficult to understand your wife’s feelings and actions if you don’t take a step back to study not only the situations in her life but also her soul. 

What are her strengths? Her weaknesses? Where does she need you to pick her up and help her on? In what areas does she excel and how might you learn from her?

Wives aren’t merely add-ons. They’re gifts from God that help us grow and succeed. And because we as husbands are “one flesh” with our wives, when they speak to us based on their love and accumulated knowledge, they’re speaking to us as a part of us. It’s as if we were talking to ourselves with extremely wise words. We’d be wise to study their lives. 

As we study and learn from our wives, we begin to respect them in a whole new way. The more we admire their gifts and the ways that they’re uniquely part of God’s design where we are not, the more we can tune our hearts toward understanding and empathy for them in all areas of our walk together. 

If we husbands want to know our wives well, we need to develop empathy. How often do we do that? How often do we try to understand what it’s like to chase little children around all day? And seldom have another adult with whom to converse? And often have another job (or two) on top of taking care of the kids? And have a monthly physiological cycle that changes the body’s moods and perceptions? And perform all the other responsibilities that are expected of her?

If nothing else, the exercise of empathy helps a husband to develop a tender heart and a humble mind. It helps him develop a heart of compassion toward his wife and all women. It fights sexism and misogyny. It elevates all women in his eyes.

Above all, it honors his wife well.

•  What can you learn from your wife’s strengths and weaknesses? How can you help her? 
• If the need for constant learning is essential for success in life, how can you apply this same principle to your marriage?
• In what ways does your wife strongly pursue Christ and his people in love that you can learn from?
• When is the last time you put yourself in your wife’s shoes before approaching her in anger?

from God’s Advice For Husbands

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

In what ways are you encouraging your wife to use her gifts? Most certainly she’s more gifted than you are in some areas. Without a doubt, she’d love for you to come alongside her and help identify and encourage her areas of giftedness and help launch them into the world. 

Here’s how you can help make this happen: 

1. Pray with her

Seek God together so you can find out his will in the matter. It could be that he’s calling your wife to something that’s not yet known or revealed to either of you. Or it could be God will confirm something you’ve already suspected. But first, go to him together in prayer. You may be surprised what he reveals.

2. Ask trusted friends

Get input from faithful friends and family who know your wife well, especially if they’re more mature Christians. Where do they see her as being especially gifted? What could they see her doing that she’d really enjoy and that would help advance the Kingdom of God? Often other people can see things we husbands don’t.

3. Watch what she does when duty-free 

We all need to set apart time in our daily or weekly schedule to do whatever we may want—our duty-free time. Watch carefully what your wife loves to do with hers. How your wife spends her duty-free time will give good clues on what makes her heart sing. Observe how she uses her time off, and you may gain insight into knowing where to encourage her gifts to be used.

4. Open doors for her

As your wife’s gifts, passions, and desires start to surface, find people who can help open doors for her. Find ways to make things happen. Help your wife network with others and come up with ideas that would help launch her gifts.  

5. Be her biggest cheerleader

First Thessalonians 5:11 states that we’re to encourage one another as followers of Jesus. Shouldn’t that begin with our spouse? Shouldn’t you greatly desire your beloved’s success—even above your own? 

6. Launch your gifts together

Here is one final point of advice: As you encourage your wife to discover her passions, try to find those areas in which you share similar giftedness. When you do, if possible, try to find ministry and service opportunities you can do together. These experiences will draw you closer like nothing else. 

•  When can you set aside time this week to pray with your wife about her gifts?  
•  How can you begin encouraging your wife today about using her God-given gifts?  
•  Are you your wife’s biggest cheerleader? Do you want her success above even your own? 
•  Who are the people involved and invested in your wife’s life from whom you could gain insight regarding her gifts and passions? 

from God’s Advice For Husbands

‘what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?’ Psalms 8:4(NLT)

‘This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!’ 2 Corinthians 5:17(NLT)

While your wife desires a husband who’s a heroic warrior, she also desires him to show humility. 

Consider this: How is it possible for us to be proud if God made everything from nothing? Everything in this world, including all humanity, came from God’s sovereign hand. In recognizing this truth, we should all cry out as the psalmist did, Who am I that You are mindful of me? (paraphrased from Psalm 8:4).

Every inhalation of our next breath, every bite of food, every piece of clothing, every friend we cherish, every possession we have—everything—comes from the God who created everything from nothing. Our only posture in life should be one of humility. Every human is a beneficiary of grace.

While this in itself is amazing and beyond belief, there’s more. Because of the selfish condition that our flesh takes on from the moment of our conception, we’re hopelessly separated from our Creator. Our puny works can’t ever make us righteous before his perfect holiness. It’s impossible. A perfect and holy God can never allow the imperfection of sin and those who commit it to draw near to him.

But God, in his great mercy and love, made a way for us to be with him forever by putting on human flesh in the form of Jesus. He lived the perfect life we couldn’t live because of our sin. He died in our place on the cross, taking our sins upon himself, something he didn’t deserve. From him we can receive the forgiveness of our sins and eternal life, something we don’t deserve. We can have new hearts. We can become new creations. The old has passed away and the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

Because of this simple Gospel, where our Creator makes us new creations, there’s no response possible other than humility and worship. When a husband truly understands God’s grace, worship becomes a joy. He hungers to worship with his wife. He hopes his children will see him as a true worshiper of the one true God, a worshiper filled with humility.

A wife who knows that her husband is a humble, thankful worshiper can trust him to lead wisely. She knows he’s humbly submitted himself to a King who lovingly leads him. She knows he has her and the family’s best interests at heart. She knows humility is akin to honor. 

A humble husband who honors God will also want to honor his wife. 

• How often do you allow yourself to meditate on the reality of our situation as saved sinners?
•  Do you fall victim to forgetting about the basics of the Gospel and the response that it requires? 
•  How can you walk in humility and remind yourself daily of the response that God’s power and love require? 
•  How can practicing humility and worshiping a perfect God translate into helping you be humble and loving toward an imperfect spouse? 

from God’s Advice For Husbands

‘that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) ‘ Ephesians 2:5(NLT)

‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)

Dudley Do-Right was a much-loved cartoon character who bumbled and fumbled his way toward heroic success. Often after he’d delivered the damsel in distress, she’d coyly sigh and say to him, “My hero!” 

Some might suggest that the saved damsel’s praise of Dudley’s heroism is misogynistic drivel. I don’t think so. I think most women yearn for their husbands to be heroes. They want to believe their husbands are willing to sacrificially die for them as Jesus did for the church (Ephesians 2:5). 

That’s true love—not some syrupy, ever-changing feeling, but the willingness to die so the other can live. Jesus said there’s no greater love than that of laying down one’s life for another (John 15:13). This type of self-effacing, sacrificial heroism enhances the wife’s respect toward her husband. And respect is what a man longs for from his wife (Ephesians 5:33).

Similarly, she yearns to see his heroism take strong stands. She wants to see him as a mighty, ferocious warrior, dressed for battle, someone doggedly fighting for truth, justice, goodness, fairness, and righteousness.

These strong stands may be reflected in a stand for all life—in and outside the womb. Or perhaps it’s a commitment against sex trafficking. Or maybe it’s being an outspoken advocate for racial equality. Or perhaps it’s a dogged stand for justice for the disenfranchised and marginalized in our world. Maybe it’s working to ensure all have clean water and food. Or perhaps it’s a desire to reach the world for Christ.

Wives hunger for husbands who are heroes. These kinds of strong convictions honor our wives. Be the hero she needs to solidify respect in her heart.

•  Would you say this heroic, sacrificial love is a character quality that describes you? 
•  Would your wife say this is a character quality that describes you? 
• How can you better mirror the sacrificial love that Christ has for His people to your bride?
• Is there an injustice in the world that you’d fight to end?

from God’s Advice For Husbands

‘Then the people of Judah began to complain, “The workers are getting tired, and there is so much rubble to be moved. We will never be able to build the wall by ourselves.”’ Nehemiah 4:10(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Let me share with you a revelation that changed the way I view my marriage. I want to help you understand the trap of the halfway point. 

This halfway point is a trap that may prevent long-term faithfulness and full fruition of the oneness God calls us to in marriage. It’s a trap that can breed resentment between you and your wife. 

Our halfway point is our most vulnerable—it’s full of exhaustion and lack of motivation to strive on. Runners feel it when they’re at the halfway point of a marathon. Nehemiah felt it from his workers when they were halfway through building the wall around Jerusalem (Nehemiah 4:10).

It’s this weak moment, this halfway point, that the enemy of our souls attacks relentlessly. Satan adroitly knows how tired our souls are. He knows how vulnerable we are to quit, give up, and chuck our marriages and families in the hope of finding something new.

The halfway point in our marriage is when the familiarity with our wives sets in. The honeymoon stage is long over, our job is most demanding, our bills mount up, and the kids need more time and money from us. It’s here that the enemy seeks to drive a wedge of discontentment between us and our wives, attacking ferociously. Seeking to kill and destroy.

How do we stay strong past that inevitable halfway point? By choosing to continue faithfully loving and pursuing your wife. Mirror the Lord’s steadfast, merciful love for us by continually choosing your wife amidst the struggle. 

You’re told to honor your wife (1 Peter 3:7). Doing this is an active and daily choice, and every time you make it, Satan’s power against you crumbles. Stand strong in this fight to push past the halfway point and the enemy’s hatred of your marriage by pursuing your spouse fully, chasing after oneness and guarding it against spiritual attack with everything you have. Believe in the truth that if God brought you together, nothing can tear you apart. 

It’s not always easy, but it’s always good. As Ephesians 6:12 says, we fight against the spiritual forces of evil and darkness. Our enemy is real, but he’s already been defeated. Live in the victory that was won for you, your wife, and your marriage on the cross by turning from discontentment and seeking to honor your spouse, on the good days and the bad ones, too. 

•  Do you think you’ve reached the “halfway point” in your marriage? If so, in what ways did it       manifest itself?
•  What are tangible ways you can work to fight against the spiritual attack on your marriage   that comes with the exhaustion of the halfway point? 
•  How are you working now to build endurance against fatigue in your marriage? Where are your areas of weakness, and how can you correct them? 
• What keeps you from making the active and daily choice to honor your wife?

from God’s Advice For Husbands