Month: September 2020

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Honoring Your Co-heir

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)


——- R E S P E C T ——

1 Peter 3:7

How do coaches, competitors, and sports officials demonstrate respect for each other? How is one’s experience in sport affected by such expressions of respect? How would a coach show proper respect for his or her spouse? How would that relationship be affected by consistent displays of genuine respect or honor?

The Apostle Peter wrote about such matters in chapter three, verse seven of his first letter to his friends. There it reads, “Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives with an understanding of their weaker nature, yet showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” You may already be bristling at the thought of a wife having a weaker nature, but don’t let that throw you off course. 

Whether a coach is male or female, to consistently demonstrate respect, communicate honor, and treat your spouse as a co-heir of the grace of life as a coaching family is at the heart of a thriving relationship.

A life in coaching will certainly require a good deal of understanding from his or her spouse. The demands of time, the pressure to win, the emotional strain, and the layers of a relationship required for excellence are consuming for all concerned. To show proper honor to one’s spouse will not only enhance the relationship, but this scripture says it protects the effectiveness of our prayers.

Commit yourselves to be a coaching family that demonstrates the highest levels of respect and honor as you live together as co-heirs of the grace of life.

Questions for Contemplation and Discussion:

1.  How do the coaches, competitors, and sports officials you know demonstrate respect for each other? How well do they show respect for and honor their spouses?

2.  What are your favorite ways to express honor for your spouse? How does he or she respond to them?

3.  How will being a co-heir of the grace of life, with your spouse, shape your life of prayer and help you build a coaching family characterized by respect and honor?

from Whistles and Wedding Rings: Devotions for Coaches and Spouses

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The Best Christmas Ever

‘Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the reign of King Herod. About that time some wise men from eastern lands arrived in Jerusalem, asking, “Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We saw his star as it rose, and we have come to worship him.” King Herod was deeply disturbed when he heard this, as was everyone in Jerusalem. He called a meeting of the leading priests and teachers of religious law and asked, “Where is the Messiah supposed to be born?” “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they said, “for this is what the prophet wrote: ‘And you, O Bethlehem in the land of Judah, are not least among the ruling cities of Judah, for a ruler will come from you who will be the shepherd for my people Israel.’ ” Then Herod called for a private meeting with the wise men, and he learned from them the time when the star first appeared. Then he told them, “Go to Bethlehem and search carefully for the child. And when you find him, come back and tell me so that I can go and worship him, too!” After this interview the wise men went their way. And the star they had seen in the east guided them to Bethlehem. It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.’ Matthew 2:1-11(NLT)

When I think about my best childhood Christmas, it centers much more around people than the gifts I received. I was ten and Christmas Eve was at our home every year. I think from the time I was born, there was never any doubt where Christmas Eve would be and that all the family would be there. I was the first grandchild on both sides.  There was something so special when all the people I loved and who loved me were in the same home for Christmas. That Christmas when I was ten, my favorite great aunt and uncle surprised our family on Christmas Eve. I can still see the joy on my mom’s face when she saw them walk in. It was such a special time.

As I look back over the years of our marriage, a lot of Christmases stand out. Our firsts were all special. The first ever in our apartment, the first in our first house, the first with our son and then our daughter, firsts with a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law, and the firsts with each grandchild. Each has been special in its own way.

Nancy and I have tried from year one to make Christmas be about Jesus first. Some years we have done better than others but it has always been a goal. I think that is the reason that as a couple, we look back at every Christmas as special.  

We made a decision somewhere along the way to not get stuck in the past. We were not going to find a “perfect” Christmas and try to recreate it year after year. That made no sense to us. Besides it would be really frustrating. We made a decision that the best Christmas was going to be the one we were celebrating. Were there years that was more difficult than others? Sure. People we loved that were there one year were gone the next. Then came the year when there were no longer two little kids in their pajamas anxiously waiting at the top of the stairs for the okay to come down on Christmas morning. Life brought changes. Yet, you know what never changed? Jesus. He was there when Nancy and I were kids, then as we grew up and as we started celebrating His birth together. The joy of truly celebrating the birth of our Savior never changes.  

So when you think about what is the best Christmas ever, it’s this one! This is your Awesome Marriage Christmas!

Today’s Challenge: 

Share some of your favorite Christmas memories together. What made them special to you?  

Going Deeper: 

What would it take for you together to put Christ first this Christmas? What is your first step? Will you commit together to make this Christmas the best ever?

from An Awesome Marriage Christmas by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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Boundaries

‘If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ‘ James 1:5(NLT)

‘Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:4(NLT)

If part of your goal this year is to have your marriage grow and get better during the Christmas season, then you will probably need to do some things differently than you did in the past. Your first step is setting aside time to talk about this. Then make a list.  Actually, make two lists. On one, write down the things you want to be a part of Christmas for the two of you this year. Maybe you do a reading plan or daily devotional together. You could commit to attending church each weekend in December and also on Christmas Eve. You will want to set aside special times for just the two of you to be together and enjoy the season as a couple. You may want to find ways to serve others and show Jesus’s love in special ways. Make the list yours by adding things that are important to both of you.

Now for that other list. On this list write down every thing that will get in the way of list number one. This is where it gets tough because some of the things that will get in your way could be people and family and things like that. So before you start, I want you to do this. Pray. Both of you pray. Pray for God to give you wisdom as you make this list.  Yes, the goal is to make your marriage better, but be cautious. I’m just saying that before I do anything that affects the people in my life I need to check in with God and so do you.

Now the fun starts. This is where setting boundaries comes in. Boundaries in this instance are just the safeguards you need to put into place to make the things on list number one happen. It may involve saying “no” to an invitation or two. It may mean putting the kids to bed early a few nights so the two of you can be alone in front of your Christmas tree. It may mean a change or two in extended family traditions. The idea is to make as much of list number one happen as you can and when you do you are well on your way to your Awesome Marriage Christmas!

Today’s Challenge: 

Talk together about what you can do differently this Christmas season as a couple to help your marriage grow.

Going Deeper: 

Are there boundaries you need to set as a couple that will help you do things differently this year? Talk through how those boundaries would look, then take it in prayer to God.  Pray for His wisdom and guidance. Then set your boundaries in place.  

from An Awesome Marriage Christmas by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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Traditions

‘This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, to whom she was engaged, was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet: “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife. But he did not have sexual relations with her until her son was born. And Joseph named him Jesus.’ Matthew 1:18-25(NLT)

‘“For this is how God loved the world: He gave#3:16 Or For God loved the world so much that he gave. his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. ‘ John 3:16(NLT)

Most of us grew up with some traditions at Christmas. For me, it was decorating the tree and the house inside and out. It was Christmas Eve at church; family, food and presents. Nancy’s traditions were slightly different but overall included the same things. That first year we were married we somehow decided to make our own traditions. We brought some things forward from our past but wanted to create traditions just for us and our future family. 

Keeping Jesus at the center of it all was something we both agreed on. I wish I could tell you that we had a formula that made it easy but we did not. There are a lot of distractions around Christmas and we found we had to be very intentional to keep Jesus first. Doing devotionals together, attending church weekly and on Christmas Eve  have all helped. The first Christmas we were together, Nancy’s mom gave us a nativity set that has been a part of every Christmas since then. It is such a great visual reminder for us of keeping Him at the center.

Probably our favorite thing together is late Christmas Eve night. It’s just the two of us in front of our Christmas tree in our living room with only the lights of the tree illuminating the room. That time together is very special. Sometimes we talk and sometimes we are silent, reflecting on all God has done for us.  

If you don’t have a tradition for just the two of you, what about starting it this year? It can be whatever you want but the idea is to have something that is special for the two of you and keeps your focus on Him. This is part of an Awesome Marriage Christmas!

Today’s Challenge: 

Decide together on a new tradition that connects the two of you and focuses on Him.

Going Deeper: 

During December read the story of Jesus’s birth in Matthew and Luke together. It is very familiar to many of us, so read it slowly over a few days in a different translation than you usually read. Ask God to give you new insights into this well-known story and share those with each other. 

from An Awesome Marriage Christmas by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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The Money Thing

‘Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law. ‘ Romans 13:8(NLT)

‘“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’’ Luke 14:28-30(NLT)

‘The wicked borrow and never repay, but the godly are generous givers.’ Psalms 37:21(NLT)

‘For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies will make this happen!’ Isaiah 9:6-7(NLT)

At Awesome Marriage we talk about finances a lot because couples struggle with finances a lot. During the Christmas season these struggles can ramp up to extreme proportions. If you don’t have a plan for your finances, it is likely they will get out of hand at Christmas. You will find yourself arguing with your spouse and spending more than you wanted, and this can cast a dark cloud over the entire season.  

It is so easy to get caught up in what others are doing at Christmas. Even if our intentions are pure, this does not necessarily set the stage for good decisions. Let’s look at some steps that can make a difference for your marriage this year.

  • Christmas is really about one thing: celebrating the birth of Jesus. The fact that God loved us more than enough to send His son into this sin-filled world to redeem us is something we can never celebrate enough! If we keep this as the center of what we do, other things fall into place more easily. Start by asking for His guidance together.
  • Set aside time to sit down together and make a responsible budget for Christmas spending. Don’t go into debt. Your Christmas budget and what you decide to spend have to be the same or less. Make this budget before you look at anybody’s Christmas list or plan any Christmas gatherings. Once you have agreed on the amount you will spend, you can decide where you will spend.  
  • Be creative. Some of the best gifts we have ever received cost the giver almost nothing but time and creativity. Yet, many of these are the gifts we have truly cherished over the years.  
  • Don’t be afraid to go countercultural. You may decide to spend your budget on helping others. You may decide to spend part of the season serving others. You may decide to help those who really are in need. The point is this: When you put Christ first as a couple, He may lead you to a celebration you never imagined and I promise you will have an Awesome Marriage Christmas!

Today’s Challenge: 

Take time with your spouse to pray about your finances for the Christmas season. Ask God to give you wisdom as you plan. Now, what is your next step?

Going Deeper:

Now that you have a plan for your finances, ask God to show you other things you can do during the Christmas season as a couple to serve Him and reach out to others.

from An Awesome Marriage Christmas by Dr. Kim Kimberling

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Choosing Your Wife Over the Kids

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.’ Proverbs 31:10(NLT)

Husbands, a question to ask yourself: Is your family in order? Who comes first? Does your spouse come first, or do your kids take the number one spot? Or do you put yourself first? How do you even know when they are in the right order? The results are in, and we’re here to tell you: guys, your marriage needs to be the priority over your kids. Here are a few reasons why:

It’s best for your kids.

One of the greatest needs for children is to know that their parents love not only them but also that mom and dad love each other. It’s well known that a children’s sense of security grows as they see parents committed and loving each other. Often, we see couples in love with each other early on, but as kids come in the picture, marriage gets pushed to the back. In extreme cases, marriage gets put on hold for years while you raise children. This is not only detrimental to your marriage, but experts are saying it’s also very harmful to your kids.

When the parents can’t get along and separate, it’s the kids that suffer. When they lose their family, they also lose their sense of confidence and security. And we know when children don’t feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel, and they turn to other things that cannot fulfill that security like mom and dad.

Research shows that almost all marriages take a hit when you have kids. According to an analysis of 90 studies involving 31,000 married people, the drop in marital satisfaction after the first baby’s birth is a staggering 42% larger among the current generation of parents than their predecessors. Satisfaction dips even lower, (though less) with each successive child. Studies also suggest that one-third to one-half of new-parent couples experience as much marital distress as couples already in therapy for marital difficulties.

So if you can’t seem to prioritize your marriage or spend money on dates for yourselves, or it’s a tough season in your marriage, do it for the good of your kids. And if you’re not sure how to start, here’s a great step:

Make marriage number one.

We want to challenge you to be UNCOMMEN; to take some time to talk with your spouse about how you two can make your marriage a priority. Pull out your calendars and see when you can get some time together alone without the kids. Try setting a regular date night. We understand that babysitters can be expensive. Even if it’s just once a month, that can be so refreshing for your relationship! Guys, do your best to get your babysitter ready ahead of time and make it a gift to your wife. Then alternate each month who “picks” the date spot.

Start today and don’t wait! Make your marriage a priority by setting aside time alone for you and your wife. Make sure your wife knows you choose her, even above your kids. Remember it’s the effort and the heart that counts.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

To learn more about Uncommen, visit our website.  

Scripture Reference: Proverbs 31:10

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Prioritize Your Commitment Over Your Feelings

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

Remember walking down the aisle? You waited at the front, and then the doors swung open, and you saw your bride dressed in white. Then she walked down the aisle, and you made some enormous commitments together. Do you remember those vows? Often marriage vows involved a number of things, but in every wedding I have attended, couples share the promise to be faithful to one another no matter what: better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health.

At that moment I remember the flutter of emotions; the wedding ceremony and everything seemed to be moving 100 miles an hour that day. It was a very emotional time. We were so in love, and those feelings were very real and natural to sense at that moment on our wedding day. While that day marked the beginning of those important feelings of love toward one another, we also believed that it would continue to deepen over the years. This is beautiful and right!

But these vows were also important because they rightly assume that life will get more difficult. You will eventually be less attractive than you are today—gravity eventually wins! You will disappoint one another, see each other at your worst, and face unforeseen trials and seasons of pain.

Some of these difficulties will draw you together. Others will tempt you to drift apart. These moments may expose the unloveliness of your spouse, and you may find yourself not feeling particularly “in love.” I know you find this hard to believe now, but that is precisely why the vows you are making today are so important.

Tim Keller said: “Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.” When moments come where you find your spouse unlovely, you must remind yourselves that when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn’t think ‘I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.’ No, he was in agony, and he looked at us—denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him—and in the greatest act of love in history, he stayed. He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. This is why you should love your spouse.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: Ephesians 5:25

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Her Needs Above Yours

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Yesterday, we looked closely at the importance of man’s vocation or job but not at the expense of the family. Today we turn our attention to your wife’s top needs. Most men are not highly emotional beings. Men enjoy action more than words. In fact, studies show that women express themselves verbally at least twice if not three times as much each day as men do. But, if a man is to love his wife, he is going to have to make a transition and become more emotionally available to her to meet her needs. Keep in mind this isn’t natural for most men, so it requires prayers and intervention from God.

Studies show that men tend to express words that convey information to get things done. Information can be shared without getting the heart or emotion involved. But if a husband is going to become who God wants him to be, he is going to need to learn to share his heart. For a woman, it is not enough to know what he did during a day. She often wants to understand how he influenced someone for the better, or how a difficult situation affected his heart, or how he needs her support and strength to accomplish his goals.

Consequently, God does not make this command to men lightly. If a husband wants God to hear his prayers, which ironically he is going to need to be doing a lot to learn to be emotionally available to her, then he will seek to open his heart to her in an open and honest way.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: 1 Peter 3:7

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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Devotion for Men ZZ

Marriage Over Your Calling

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

You got a job offer. And it’s a big one requiring some big changes for your wife and your family. You feel like you owe it to yourself and your hard work in your career to talk with your spouse. You want to take it, but your wife is against it. What do you do? How do you choose your wife and your marriage over your calling in these types of real life scenarios? For some men, especially those in leadership, your job requires immense responsibility involving tens, hundreds, and maybe even thousands of people’s jobs on the line with decisions you make. It’s easy to see your position in leadership at the office as becoming more important than your job as the leader of your home

So when I look at leaders who believe they are forced every day to put vocation before marriage and family, I wonder what they think they are going to accomplish. No one is indispensable. Everyone can be replaced on the job. God can raise up another leader to do what you are doing. While I admire these leaders’ courage, success, and endurance, I can’t help but wonder if they misunderstand their calling.

If you are called to end world poverty, serve as the CEO of a major corporation or share the Gospel with tribes who have never heard it before, your calling does not exclude your marriage and family. It doesn’t require you to sacrifice your family members for this.

When you and your spouse become one flesh in Christian marriage, this becomes who you are. Your daily thoughts and decisions are now a part of your identity as a spouse. The rules are much different than when you were single. Add kids into the mix and you have another layer of responsibility to account for.

God made you with a capacity and gifting unlike that of any other. When you join into a marriage covenant with your spouse, you now have an alliance team with a capacity and gifting unlike any other. God doesn’t view this as a waste. He leverages them. That means if your marriage is to remain healthy, you are to make big decisions together.

Wherever God calls you, know that He does not call you apart from who you are. It is you the wife he is calling; it is you the husband he is calling.

You might experience seasons in which you are asked to prioritize your vocation or calling above your time with your spouse and family, but if season connects with season, your understanding of what God desires is likely off the mark. It’s worth asking your spouse from time to time to make sure you stay on the mark.

About the author: Sam Casey is the Managing Partner for Banyan Creative based in Charlotte, NC. He and his wife Heidi are actively involved in marriage ministry for young couples with 2 Becoming 1 Marriage Ministry.

Scripture Reference: Genesis: 2:24

from UNCOMMEN Marriage, How To Prioritize Your Wife

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1st Marriage ZZ

Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage – Day 5

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT)

Watch today’s clip as Nancy Horton shares her renewed commitment to her husband.  

This passage in 1 Corinthians is often read at weddings because regardless of the couple’s religious commitment, their goals for love can be found in the 15 concepts listed in these four verses.

• Patience

• Kindness

• No envy of the other

• No selfish boasting

• No selfish pride

• No dishonor of the other

• No self-seeking

• Not easily angered

• No record of wrongs kept toward the other

• No evil

• Committed to truth

• Always being protective

• Always trusting

• Always hoping

• Always persevering

The stark reality is these qualities cannot be attained without the life of Christ being manifested in the marriage. One of the ways we can know this truth is to replace the word “love” with the name of “Jesus” in this passage and, suddenly, it all makes sense. Because God is love and as verse 8 begins: “Love never fails,” because He never fails. 

The context of a marriage relationship that will both experience and display these 15 qualities can only be in and through both spouses having a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Let’s close out this study by looking at three ways Christ’s brand of love can help us to see, think, and live differently than our culture to have extraordinary marriages.

• Christ’s love gives us a different place to look.

The hope of a future in Heaven encourages us to keep looking forward and fix our eyes on Jesus, not on this world. For the Christian, the best really is yet to come.

• Christ’s love gives us a different way to think.

Focusing on eternity creates a positive, optimistic, “glass half-full” mindset. The person with an attitude of hope will not only be a healthier person, but also draw others to Christ by their very being.

• Christ’s love gives us a different life to live.

We all desperately want to enjoy life. We want to feel contentment and live in the hope of a good day and a brighter tomorrow. New life in Christ is not only a different way to live, but also the best way to live. 

Review today’s list of qualities from 1 Corinthians 13. Zero in just one that you struggle with and ask God to help His love overcome you in that area.

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage