Month: September 2020

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1st Marriage ZZ

Be Kind and Forgive

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

Let’s face it…relationships bring challenges. Disagreements. Conflict. These blips—or sometimes major roadblocks—can be opportunities to grow closer…or apart. How can we be prepared for when these situations arise? How can we offer kindness and forgive fast? 

Pray

Father, you are a God of forgiveness. Please give me a heart that can speak the truth in love, forgive completely, and usher in peace in my relationship. Show me the ways I can do this in my life starting now. Thank you for your example. 

We’re empowered to forgive people because we know we are—and are constantly being—forgiven by God.

Read

Ephesians 4:32

Reflect

What do kindness and tender-heartedness look like in your relationship? What’s harder for you: to forgive, or to ask for forgiveness? 

Respond

Talk to your partner about how to diffuse your next disagreement. Have a game plan that includes inviting God to soften your hearts and forgive each other as soon as possible.

from What About Dating?

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1st Marriage ZZ

Train Together

‘Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives’ tales. Instead, train yourself to be godly. “Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.” ‘ 1 Timothy 4:7-8(NLT)

You don’t get good at something without putting in effort. People who want to accomplish a goal usually have to train. They pursue their passion with devotion. Intentionality and perseverance produce desirable outcomes. 

There are benefits to spiritual training, too. When you and your partner pursue God together through prayer, reading his Word, serving, and loving others, you build spiritual muscles. You store up eternal treasure in heaven. You open up opportunities for your relationship with God and each other to grow deeper and stronger. 

Pray

God, help us pursue you wholeheartedly and reap the benefits today, and into eternity.

Like any relationship, your relationship with God takes discipline and diligence.

Read

1 Timothy 4:7-8

Reflect

In what ways can a healthy relationship with God impact your relationship with your partner? 

Respond

Find a reasonable way for you and your partner to incorporate spiritual exercise into your relationship. One way could be to set aside 10 minutes each day to read a short passage of Scripture, thank God for one blessing, and pray for one need.

from What About Dating?

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1st Marriage ZZ

Share Values

‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.’ Philippians 2:1-2(NLT)

You’re dating someone special. You’re excited. You might even be on your way to being in love. It feels amazing. 

But before you get too wrapped up in romance, how much do you know about your partner’s values? Goals? Passions? Dreams? What are his or her views on faith, finances, family, and the future? Have you communicated with each other on these important, life-impacting viewpoints?

It’s healthy to have differences—but it’s also important to be aligned on the stuff that really matters. Sharing this information sooner than later can benefit you both.

Pray

God, you created each of us as precious, unique beings, and invite us to celebrate our differences. You also long for us to be united in areas of life that matter most to you. Please guide us to be aligned in your principles of truth. 

When people are united with Christ, they naturally seek deeper unity with each other, too.

Read

Philippians 2:1-2

Reflect

Think about what this Scripture teaches about God’s values. (You might try reading the rest of this short passage to get a fuller picture of what God cares about (Philippians 2:1-11). How do your personal values compare to this picture?

Respond

Discuss the topic of personal and godly values with your partner, beginning and ending in prayer for peace and clarity.

from What About Dating?

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1st Marriage ZZ

Communicate Well

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

Sometimes it’s tough to be truthful, sharing exactly what’s on your mind. You want to present your best self to the one you care about, afraid of what might happen if he or she found out what you really think about something. Or, maybe your feelings are hurt, and you expect your partner to read your mind. Sometimes you get angry and say things you don’t mean. Perhaps you’re experiencing jealous emotions, but it’s too embarrassing to explain. 

And often, you need to offer an attentive, non-judgmental ear to your partner. 

Dating is a time to learn about each other in order to make an informed decision about a long-term future together. To make this happen, you have to talk. You have to explain. You have to share. You have to listen. You have to practice communicating. Starting today! 

Pray

Father, you are so good at communicating your loving truth in your Word. Help me and my partner to share our hearts with each other in a respectful way that honors you.

Healthy relationships happen naturally as individuals seek to live faithfully for God—and one way we do that is to practice good listening.

Read

James 1:19

Reflect

What part of the verse fits you best: quick to listen, slow to speak, or slow to become angry? Where do you have the greatest opportunity to improve?

Respond

Establish weekly communication “check-ins” with your partner. Pray together, and then share one thing you appreciate about your partner, one hope or dream, and, if applicable, one thing that you’d like to see change in your relationship. 

from What About Dating?

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1st Marriage ZZ

Forget the Upper Hand

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ‘ Philippians 2:3(NLT)

Some dating “experts” suggest the game of playing hard to get. They recommend waiting a certain amount of time before communicating after a date. They warn against acting too interested too soon, or letting a person know how you really feel. The goal? To gain control—the upper hand in the relationship. 

But the Bible says otherwise. A relationship is an opportunity to speak truth. To put another person’s needs above your own. To care for the one you’re pursuing in a selfless manner. To desire another person’s happiness over your own. To be Christ-like.

Sounds pretty different? It is. But God’s approach works.

Pray

God, culture is telling me things that are contrary to what your Word says. Help me to hear your truth over the noise. Help me to act in a loving way that honors you and my partner. 

The apostle Paul describes how to work at loving each other well—through specific attitudes and behaviors.

Read

Philippians 2:3

Reflect

It’s easy to be selfish without realizing it. Have you ever tried to gain the upper hand in a relationship? Why? What was the end result?

Respond

Figure out one way to honor your partner today by putting his/her interests above your own. 

from What About Dating?

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1st Marriage ZZ

Trust God

‘The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living. Reverence for the Lord is pure, lasting forever. The laws of the Lord are true; each one is fair. They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold. They are sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb. They are a warning to your servant, a great reward for those who obey them.’ Psalms 19:7-11(NLT)

Let’s face it. We’ve all made some dating mistakes in the past. 

Now, whether you are on a quest for that special someone, you’re already in a committed relationship, or, you’re trying to make a decision that involves your future mate, you probably want to get it right this time. 

You know the Bible offers guidance on—well, pretty much everything. 

But dating??

Even though the word “dating” doesn’t actually appear in the Bible, there’s a LOT of relational advice that can be gleaned from God’s guide for life.

It all begins with trusting him. His plan. His purpose for you. And the reality that he longs for you to be close to him … and he has designed you to be close with others, too. Then, it’s about doing the right thing—for yourself, and your partner.

So why not lean on the Lord for guidance on your relationship adventure? Why not take trusting him to the next level? Why not see what he has in store for you when you surrender yourself, your partner, and everything in-between—to him?

He won’t disappoint you.

Pray

Father, help me to trust your design for all things—including relationships. Right now, I need you to guide me in my dating decisions. Help me see the benefits of following your plan. Thank you. 

This psalm celebrates the wisdom and beauty of God’s truth. 

Read

Psalm 19:7-11

Reflect

What do you learn about the nature of God’s Word in these verses? Can you find six attributes of God’s law and the benefits they yield? How could they impact your relationship with a significant other?

Respond

Choose today to trust God in all things. Ask him to guide you toward a closer relationship with him and a closer relationship with your special someone.  

Each of our readers has a unique story of how they interact with the Bible. We invite you to click on the link below, so we can learn more about you and readers like you. Your participation will help the American Bible Society continue to provide high-quality Bible resources for people everywhere and will inform the development of new Bible resources.

from What About Dating?

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1st Marriage ZZ

Bring Back Those Loving Feelings – Day 3

‘Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.’ Song of Songs 1:2(NLT)

Prayer is a powerful tool you can freely use whenever you want to. We encourage you to pray regularly for the attraction and satisfaction of your marriage. Below are some guided prayers which you can pray word for word. But also use them as a catalyst to craft your own prayers, specifically related to your marriage.

Praising God

“Heavenly Father, You crafted our world with such beauty. You paid attention to all the minute details that surround us from flowers to trees to mountains to birds to snowflakes to the way our bodies were made. You have gifted each of us with so much beauty and life. It inspires us and nourishes our soul with strength. I praise You for Your creativity and design. You lift my spirit with Your creations and You have given me the opportunity to lift the spirit of my spouse through my own life and beauty and strength as well, whether that is internal or external. Thank You for this ability, I do not take it for granted and I want to use it to bring good to my spouse and draw them closer to me. In Christ’s name, amen.”

Presenting the Situation

Use this portion of time to honestly assess how much importance you assign to looking or being attractive for your spouse. Since you can only control what you do, be sure to focus on yourself in this section. Are there things that you have let slide – whether it’s controlling your moods, what you say or what you wear, to name a few. Is there anything you could do in order to increase your spouse’s attraction to you? Write down some things you can work on. Then pray and ask God for wisdom and self-discipline to improve in those areas. 

Prayer for Blessing

“Gracious Lord, give me insight into how I can increase my attractiveness to my spouse. Help me to choose my words wisely so what I say is sweet and affirming, rather than complaining or demanding. Give me energy so that I can bless my spouse with vitality, enthusiasm and joy. Remind me to stay mindful of how I look and what I wear. And let me be a source of pleasure to my spouse mentally, emotionally and physically. In the same way, help my spouse to be attentive to what makes them attractive to me. Reignite the flame of passion and romance between us, and keep it lit. In Christ’s name, amen.”

from Bring Back Those Loving Feelings

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1st Marriage ZZ

Bring Back Those Loving Feelings – Day 2

‘And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”’ Acts of the Apostles 20:35(NLT)

One of the ways to rekindle romance and re-ignite the flame in your marriage is to remember. Remember how things were when you first got together. What caught your partner’s eye? What stole their heart? 

It may have been your vitality, laugh or free-spirit that caused your spouse to be attracted to you when dating. If you don’t know what it was, then simply ask. For some people, attraction is related to the mind – conversation or vivacity. For others, it’s a spirit, or the way you walk, or your frequency of touch. Take time to talk about this as a couple and focus on the things that bring about a greater attraction to each other. But be sure to do so with a heart of encouragement, not criticism. 

Attraction will often increase in marriage as you and your spouse deepen your level of intimacy and enhance your shared experiences. It can also change over time as to what evokes it. Be sure to revisit this topic every so often as a couple so that each of you can identify what makes you more attractive to your spouse and focus on how to embody that for them. 

Remember, you are a gift to your spouse – a gift to delight, honor and enjoy. As they are also to you. Have fun with it. Flirt. Send loving texts. Wear that shirt he or she loves. Maintain that gaze longer than necessary. Wink. Share one side of a booth when eating out. Keep your attraction to each other alive for the full 365. 

from Bring Back Those Loving Feelings

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1st Marriage ZZ

Bring Back Those Loving Feelings – Day 1

‘May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine—
Young Woman
Yes, wine that goes down smoothly for my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth. I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own.’ Song of Songs 7:9-10(NLT)

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

Most of us take the time to try to look as nice as we can on holidays – especially holidays like Valentine’s Day. We revisit that mindset we lived in when we were dating. Not only do we seek to make our appearance attractive but also our spirits. We try to maintain an open, positive spirit on Valentine’s Day or on special occasions. 

We spend the extra effort to pick out what clothes we are wearing and make sure our hair is in place. We limit our complaints or outward displays of disappointment and frustration. Many of us even try to watch our weight during special seasons. We know the importance of attraction like we did when our marriage was a dating relationship and romantic holidays seek to remind us to do our part in looking attractive to our mate as well as being attractive in our attitudes and actions.

Yet somewhere along the line throughout the remainder of the 364 days of the year, many of us lose this attentiveness to our own attractiveness. 

It could be the futility of the familiar or the duties that drained our energy which contribute to this loss of effort. Whatever the case, attraction within a marriage is just as important to pay attention to, if not more so, than in a dating relationship or just on holidays. Why? Because the habitual has a way of dulling the shine or lessening the mystique. Unfortunately, the tyranny of the typical may lower appeal rather than increase it. 

Saying “I do” didn’t reduce any hormones or harden any hearts. We are human and whether married or not, most of us still enjoy the feeling of attraction. Which is why maintaining your personal appearance, hygiene and attitudes while married ought to be a high value for both spouses. 

What are some things you can do to remain attractive to your spouse? You can start by revisiting the things you did when you were dating. Attractiveness is unique to each person. It doesn’t mean outside beauty for every person. It doesn’t mean dressing up for everyone either, or being pencil thin – or even wearing make-up if you are a woman or having a six-pack stomach if you are a man. It could be your laugh. The gentle look in your eyes, the soft touch, listening ear – positive affirmations toward your spouse. Whatever it was that you did when dating or on special days like Valentine’s Day which draws your spouse toward  you, consider whether or not you are still doing these things on a regular basis. 

Romans 12:10 may not be seen as a typical Valentine’s Day verse, and it may not show up in any cards given on this day, but it is a verse that captures the sentiment of the season. When applied to your marriage on a regular basis, it will infuse your intimacy with authenticity, grace and mutual attraction. We read, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” 

Devote yourself to the honor of your spouse, what that looks like is different for every couple but the outcome is the same – mutual love.

from Bring Back Those Loving Feelings

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1st Marriage ZZ

It’s about changing my attitude & not my spouse’s

‘Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Make sure that no one is immoral or godless like Esau, who traded his birthright as the firstborn son for a single meal. You know that afterward, when he wanted his father’s blessing, he was rejected. It was too late for repentance, even though he begged with bitter tears.’ Hebrews 12:14-17(NLT)

‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ‘ Romans 3:23(NLT)

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.’ Colossians 3:1-15(NLT)

‘And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:13-14(NLT)

A Christian principle advised to those  getting ready for marriage is, to find someone who has the same Christian faith and goals in life – equally yoked. The advice is practical but what happens when there is a conflict in our beliefs. We see this situation in the life of Job and his wife. 

The Bible mentions Job as a devout man of God  but is silent about his wife, except that when disaster struck she wanted Job to curse God and die –  a normal response to disaster in our lives. There is no further mention of Job’s wife, did she repent…? Did she have any consequences to face…? Speculation is that she was blessed with a double portion of the blessing that Job received. 

The lesson we learn from Job’s life is, that even when our spouse chooses to be angry and move away from God, we need to hold steadfast to God like Job. In doing so we would be a channel of blessing for our spouse and ultimately our family. This is why Paul in Corinthians mentions, ‘For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage.’ (NLT version)

When we start applying this principle in our  lives instead of finding faults with our spouse, we start showing love to them just as Christ loved them. The earthly love is usually guided by actions and feelings. The love God wants us to have for our spouse is beyond what we can show them in our human strength. 

Many a times we may love our spouse but they may not feel it because of circumstances. Job’s wife must have felt frustrated with Job holding on to God in the hopeless situation. The fear and love for God prevented Job from following the advice of his wife. God is our hope and guide when the fear, and love for God, prevents us from showing behavior expected by our spouse. 

We cannot change our spouse or their attitudes but we can definitely change ourselves to reflect and respond with God’s love. Let us be the spouse who is willing to go the extra mile, God being our helper. Only when both spouses choose to take instruction from God can they be equally yoked. 

As we end this devotion may our lives reflect God in our marriages as we strive to become more like Him… 

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam