Month: September 2020

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Devotion for Men ZZ

The 5 Love Languages For Her Reading Plan – Day 2

‘There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ‘ John 15:13(NLT)

Love makes requests, not demands. When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child. It is the parent who tells the three-year-old what he ought to do and, in fact, what he must do. That is necessary because the three-year-old does not yet know how to navigate in the treacherous waters of life. In marriage, however, we are equal, adult partners. We are not perfect to be sure, but we are adults and we are partners. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.

The way we express those desires, however, is all-important. If they come across as demands, we have erased the possibility of intimacy and will drive our spouse away. If, however, we make our needs and desires known in the form of a request, we are giving guidance, not ultimatums. The husband who says, “Could you make that good pasta one of these nights?” is giving his wife guidance on how to love him and thus build intimacy. On the other hand, the husband who says, “Can’t we ever have a decent meal around here?” is being adolescent, is making a demand, and his wife is likely to fire back, “Okay, you cook!” The wife who says, “Do you think it will be possible for you to clean the gutters this weekend?” is expressing love by making a request. But the wife who says, “If you don’t get those gutters cleaned out soon, they are going to fall off the house. They already have trees growing out of them!” has ceased to love and has become a domineering spouse.

When you make a request of your husband you are affirming his worth and abilities. You are in essence indicating that he has something or can do something that is meaningful and worthwhile to you. When, however, you make demands, you have become not a lover but a tyrant. Your husband will feel not affirmed but belittled. A request introduces the element of choice. Your husband may choose to respond to your request or to deny it, because love is always a choice. That’s what makes it meaningful. To know that my spouse loves me enough to respond to one of my requests communicates emotionally that she cares about me, respects me, admires me, and wants to do something to please me. We cannot get emotional love by way of demand. My spouse may in fact comply with my demands, but it is not an expression of love. It is an act of fear or guilt or some other emotion, but not love. Thus, a request creates the possibility for an expression of love, whereas a demand suffocates that possibility.

from The 5 Love Languages For Her Reading Plan

Categories
Devotion for Men ZZ

The 5 Love Languages For Her Reading Plan – Day 1

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments. At the heart of humankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love. That is why the ancient biblical writings spoke of the husband and wife becoming “one flesh.” That did not mean that individuals would lose their identity; it meant that they would enter into each other’s lives in a deep and intimate way.

But if love is important, it is also elusive. I have listened to many married couples share their secret pain. Some came to me because the inner ache had become unbearable. Others came because they realized that their behavior patterns or the misbehavior of their spouse was destroying the marriage. Some came simply to inform me that they no longer wanted to be married. Their dreams of “living happily ever after” had been dashed against the hard walls of reality. Again and again I have heard the words “Our love is gone, our relationship is dead. We used to feel close, but not now. We no longer enjoy being with each other. We don’t meet each other’s needs.” Their stories bear testimony that adults as well as children have “love tanks.”

Could it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible “emotional love tank” with its gauge on empty? Could the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn?

With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work? Those questions sent me on a long journey. Along the way, I discovered the simple yet powerful insights contained in this book. The journey has taken me not only through thirty years of marriage counseling but into the hearts and minds of hundreds of couples throughout America. From Seattle to Miami, couples have invited me into the inner chamber of their marriages, and we have talked openly. The illustrations included in this book are cut from the fabric of real life. Only names and places are changed to protect the privacy of the individuals who have spoken so freely.

I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile. Running your marriage on an empty “love tank” may cost you even more than trying to drive your car without oil. What you are about to read has the potential of saving thousands of marriages and can even enhance the emotional climate of a good marriage. Whatever the quality of your marriage now, it can always be better.

from The 5 Love Languages For Her Reading Plan

Categories
Dating ZZ

A FEW GOOD REASONS TO JUST SAY “WAIT”

‘Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.’ 1 Corinthians 7:1-2(NLT)

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7(NLT)

‘The Son radiates God’s own glory and expresses the very character of God, and he sustains everything by the mighty power of his command. When he had cleansed us from our sins, he sat down in the place of honor at the right hand of the majestic God in heaven. This shows that the Son is far greater than the angels, just as the name God gave him is greater than their names.’ Hebrews 1:3-4(NLT)

‘But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.”’ Matthew 15:18-20(NLT)

‘Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. ‘ Ephesians 5:3(NLT)

‘Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:9(NLT)

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.’ 1 Corinthians 10:13(NLT)

If you are doubting the benefits of saving sex for marriage, allow us to briefly summarize a few findings. Did you know a recent survey found that the highest levels of sexual satisfaction are linked to marriage and traditional sexual ethics? 

That is, the ­ people most apt to report that they are very satisfied with their current sex life are not singles who freely flit from one sexual encounter to another, but married ­ couples who “strongly” believe sex outside of marriage is wrong. In fact, “traditionalists” rank an astounding thirty-one percentage points higher in their level of sexual satisfaction than singles who have no objection to sex outside of marriage. The findings contribute to a growing body of research linking sexual satisfaction to marital harmony, fidelity, and permanence.

These researchers found not only that sex is better in marriage, but it is best if you have had only one sexual partner in a lifetime. 

“Physical and emotional satisfaction started to decline when ­ people had more than one sexual partner,” the researchers stated. A study at the University of South Carolina revealed that ­ people who engaged in premarital sex were more likely to be involved in extramarital affairs once they were married. David Larson, a senior researcher with the 

National Institute of Health, in a review 

of existing research summed it up this way: ­ “Couples not involved before marriage and faithful during marriage are more satisfied with their current sex life and also with their marriages compared to those who were involved sexually before marriage.”

And did you know that research from Washington State University revealed

marriages, “Cohabiting ­ couples compared to married ­couples have less healthy relationships”? Researchers at UCLA explained that “cohabitors experienced significantly more difficulty in [subsequent] marriages with adultery … than ­ couples who had not cohabited.” In fact, marriages preceded by living together are fifty percent more likely to break up than those marriages where ­ couples did not.

Abstinence, research has clearly shown, makes the heart grow fonder. But long before studies and statistics pointed to the practical reasons for saving sex for marriage, biblical wisdom tried to steer us clear of the emotional aftermath of having sex-too-soon (see I Corinthians 7:1-2; I Thessalonians 4:3-7; Hebrews 13:4; Matthew 15:18-20; Ephesians 5:3; and I Corinthians 6:9). 

The Bible ­doesn’t say premarital sex is wrong just to test our self-discipline. We too often view God’s principles as a list of rules set up to test our determination. The Bible says premarital intercourse is wrong for our own protection, because sex-too-soon is certain to hurt us. Ask anyone who’s broken up with someone they slept with. Three reasons: Research, God’s loving mandates, and the potential for personal pain. Each of these should be reasons enough to just say wait.

Are you worried about waiting? God isn’t. He recognizes how hard it is to fight temptations and wants to give you a way out. 

Remember, God doesn’t expect you to be faithful to Him without first being faithful to you!

…God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 

1 Corinthians 10:13, emphasis mine

Ask your faithful God to help you be faithful to save yourself for marriage. Evidence proves that His best is worth it. 

from How to Save Sex for Marriage?

Categories
Dating ZZ

Where Do You Draw the Line?

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

‘When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, ‘ Galatians 5:19(NLT)

‘But ‘God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:6-9(NLT)

Considered the following scale of physical contact and drawn a line where you think it belongs for you. In other words, after seeking God’s wisdom, where do you draw the line?

The objective isn’t just to abstain from something good because you were told it’s wrong. Abstaining from sex before marriage – which God created and is good – honors God and benefits your marriage long-term. 

Surrendering your passions temporarily to God eliminates guilts, helps you focus on connecting in other ways, and builds up blessings for you in the future. 

We could tell you in specific terms where we think you should set your boundaries. We could point out that anytime you move past stage five it becomes exponentially more difficult to maintain control. But telling you what to do makes little difference unless you hold the belief with conviction. We ­can’t be your conscience. 

This is a decision that requires serious thinking, clear understanding of where your values are based, and quite a bit of soul-searching on your part. “Examine yourselves,” Paul says in 2 Corinthians 13:5, “to see whether you are in the faith.” You need to carefully consider what you and the person you are dating mutually agree is acceptable, given your values and goals. 

You need to decide exactly what is off-limits when it comes to physical touch, and you need to decide what settings (being alone in an apartment together, for example) are off-limits when it comes to how you express your passionate feelings. You also need to consider the kinds of clothes you wear on a date and whether they might make sticking to your decision more difficult.

Setting boundaries is a decision you need to make on your own and eventually talk over with your partner. You both need to know what the boundaries are.  

from How to Save Sex for Marriage?

Categories
Dating ZZ

Is Sex Before Marriage Bad?

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—’ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4(NLT)

‘You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.’ Ephesians 5:5(NLT)

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.’ 1 Corinthians 6:18-20(NLT)

Sexual intercourse is a “life-uniting act,” as our friend Lewis Smedes calls it. That’s why sex outside of marriage is “sex-to-soon.” It violates the intended purpose of sex. “It is wrong,” according to Smedes, “because unmarried ­ people thereby engage in a life-uniting act without a life-uniting intent…. Intercourse signs and seals—and maybe even delivers—a life-union; and life union means marriage.”

Scripture clearly states that sex is for marriage and marriage is for sex. Jesus quoted from Genesis (1:27, 2:24), when he asked: “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?'” (Matthew 19:4-5). The writers of Scripture use sexual purity and faithfulness between spouses as an image of our relationship with God (see Song of Solomon and Hosea, as well as the 16th chapter of Ezekiel). 

So if you want to reserve sexual intercourse for marriage, the $100 question is how? How do you abstain from sex without shutting off your sexuality? 

Granted, it’s not easy, it can be down right excruciating—but it’s possible. We know plenty of happy ­ couples who have saved sex for marriage. In case you are wondering, we abstained from premarital sex ourselves. In seven years of dating we had our share of passionate moments and plenty of tempting situations, but we stayed true to our decision to wait. Looking back over our entire relationship, it remains as one of the best decisions we ever made. We had plenty of time to evolve through the natural stages of physical intimacy as our permanent commitment to each other progressed.

The secret to saving sex for marriage is found in a single word: boundaries. ­Couples who abstain from sex without shutting off their sexuality have learned to set specific boundaries and stick to them. They have made intentional, deliberate, and conscious choices about how far they will go.

 from How to Save Sex for Marriage?

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Having Fun

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.’ Proverbs 5:18(NLT)

‘And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.’ Ecclesiastes 3:13(NLT)

‘A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.’ Proverbs 17:22(NLT)

‘Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.’ Colossians 3:18-19(NLT)

It seems like at one time or another every couple gets “stuck” in their marriage. Let me share with you the patterns that I see. Things are going well and the couple gets a little complacent. They quit being as purposeful with each other and just coast for a while.  It’s not usually an intentional decision. It just happens. Those days turn into weeks and then months, and for some couples even years. The spark that once was there in their marriage is missing. They have gone from a vibrant marriage to just existing together.  For some, it is evident because they fight a lot more than usual. Others just go about their lives with little, if any, connection. They focus on work or kids or something else.  Some of the needs that used to be met in their marriage begin getting met elsewhere, so their times of connection are even less. 

One of the questions that I usually ask couples when they come to see me for marriage counseling is, “When is the last time you had fun together?” I cannot even count the number of times that the only answer I get from them is blank stares. What if I asked you that question? How would you answer? Many couples enter marriage saying one of their reasons for marrying is because they have so much fun together. A few years later, far too many find themselves unable to remember the last time they had fun.  

Having fun together is a big part of marriage. How “fun” is defined can vary from one couple to another. There is no right or wrong way to have fun. It is laughing together, doing things that you both enjoy, setting the cares of life aside for a moment to just enjoy being with each other. For many of us, those times came so easily when we were dating that we took for granted that they would continue. For a few couples that may be true but most of us have to continue to build those times of fun into our marriages.  

If you are reading this and thinking “we are stuck,” or “we are heading in that direction,” it’s time to put the fun back into your marriage. It may take some effort but the results will grow you closer to each other and will give you another reason to be thankful for the marriage God has given you.

Today’s Challenge: 

1. What does having fun together with your spouse mean to you?

2. Have you let the fun slip out of your marriage? _______ Yes _______ No

   How did that happen?

3. What are some of the things you did as a couple for fun earlier in your relationship?

4. List three fun things you would like to do with your spouse now.

Going Deeper:

Dr. Kim stresses not letting issues or problems creep into a “fun” date. Are you willing to set them aside and truly just have fun together? What is your first step to putting fun back in your marriage?

from Romance

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Staying Connected

‘This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.’ Psalms 118:24(NLT)

‘So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. ‘ Ephesians 5:15-16(NLT)

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

There are so many ways that technology keeps me connected. I can literally sit at my desk all day long and connect with people all around the world. With ZOOM, I can be face to face with people and offer counseling to them. I can encourage people and connect with them through every type of social media. I can keep up with and lead our team at Awesome Marriage. Technology today allows me to do things that people only dreamed about in the past and I love what it does.

Then there is this person that sleeps next to me and is there every morning when I wake up and there every evening when I get home. I eat many of my meals with her and run errands with her. Counting the hours we sleep side by side, I spend many more hours with her than anyone else in the world but if I am not careful, I can be more connected to them than to her.

Just because I log a whole lot of hours with Nancy does not mean we are connected.  Sitting side by side, sleeping side by side and eating side by side does not connect us. What connects us is being present with each other during those times. Being present means that my focus is on her. It means when she is talking that I am listening. It means that even in sleep we are connected because we did not go bed with something unsettled between us. It is being very purposeful about our time together. It means that even in silence as we watch a movie or TV show, there is still connection because we choose to do it together. 

Look at it this way. Every stage of marriage brings change but it also brings new opportunities to be connected. The key is to embrace those opportunities and make the most of every single one.

Today’s Challenge: 

1. Dr. Kim talks about the different stages a marriage goes through. Which stage are you in today? How is it different from past stages?

2. What are some of the challenges you face as a couple today?

3. What does “being intentional” about your marriage mean to you?

Going Deeper:

Most couples spend less than five minutes a day really connecting. How much quality time do you spend together as a couple each day? How do you spend your quality time together? What step can you take today to be more connected with each other?

from Romance

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Keeping Romance Alive

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

‘For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. ‘ Galatians 5:13(NLT)

‘The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.’ 1 Corinthians 7:3-4(NLT)

Have you ever gone into a greeting card store or walked down the greeting card aisle in a supermarket or pharmacy on Valentine’s Day or the day before? My guess is that what I observe on those days is replicated over and over in city after city. The aisle is crammed with men who all have this panicked look on their faces. It is like the entire male species is trying to figure out how to be romantic during crunch time. I think most of them succeed in one way or another but the stress can be overwhelming. It’s also very interesting that the “greeting card” thing does not seem to apply to women.  Somehow they are not in a panic. Probably because they bought their card weeks earlier.  

This is my take away, if we try to package romance into one day a year, we are missing the point. In marriage, romance needs to be a lifestyle. 

Let’s look at it this way. If I want my relationship with Christ to grow, what do I need to do? For me, it’s spending intentional time with Him and living my life in a way that honors Him, putting Him first in everything. When I do that day after day, my relationship with Him is better and I feel closer and more connected to Him. What if I put that same effort into my marriage? If I set aside quality time each day with my wife and live my live each day in a way that honors her and if I put her second only to God in everything, won’t that make a difference? I think we complicate the whole romance thing. Are flowers and candy and nice dinners romantic? Sure, but being intentional with each other in your marriage is also romantic and can actually add a depth to your marriage that was not there before.

Try doing these three things every day for a week. See if it does not make a difference:

  • Ask your spouse every day if there is something you can do for them.
  • Set aside ten minutes every day to talk and listen to each other.
  • Tell someone else something good about your spouse.

Today’s Challenge: 

1. Do you think romance should be better in marriage than when you were dating? Why or why not?

2. If you were to give your spouse “hints” about romance, what would some of those be?

3. In “doing life” together, what gets in the way of romance for you as a couple?

4. Are there things you thought were romantic earlier in your marriage that do not have as much impact today? List those here.

Going Deeper:

Finish this sentence: If my spouse only did one romantic thing for me, I would want it to be___________ .

from Romance

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Redefining Romance

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

‘let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:9(NLT)

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ‘ Ecclesiastes 4:9(NLT)

When you think of “romance” what comes to your mind? For me, it’s the times when it is just the two of us. We had our first date when Nancy was a freshman in college.  Over the next two years, our relationship grew to the point of marriage and much of our connection was built on romance. Honestly, it was easy then. I was pursuing her and she wanted me to pursue. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other and having fun. Many of our dates were having lunch, dinner, or ice cream. Was every date romantic? Probably not. But most of them were in one way or another. I think we fell into the trap of taking the romance for granted. In college, there were very few distractions. It was easy to connect and spend time together.  

A few months into marriage, we realized something was missing. The romance was there but we had to be much more intentional about carving out time for each other.  There were distractions. I was working and starting a career and learning how to be a husband. Nancy was finishing school and learning how to be a wife. We had more and more things pulling at our time and neither one of us was very good at saying no to them. The really difficult thing for us was that the things we were saying yes to, that were taking time away from each other, were not bad things. In fact, most of them were really good things. It took us time to understand that every time we said “yes” to something else, we were in effect saying “no” to time with each other and that was killing the romance. We had to turn things around and say “no” to many of the other things and “yes” to each other.

What about you and your marriage? Where is the romance today? If it is good, keep up what you are doing. If it needs some work, why not make the commitment to work on it together? It may be as simple as doing the things you did at the beginning when you fell in love. It may be you were like us and just let life squeeze the romance out of your marriage. God gave us romance for a reason. It enhances our relationship. It is part of His gift to us in marriage. Don’t put off making it a priority. You can begin redefining romance in your marriage today!

Today’s Challenge: 

1. In the area of romance, what was meaningful for you in the past?

2. Think of three things that you thought were romantic before marriage. Would you like any of these in your marriage today?

3. Write down three things that you as a couple could do on a date. Then compare your lists and plan your next date.

4. How much time are you willing to spend putting romance back into your marriage?

Going Deeper:

Think of three things you could do this week to show your spouse how much you love him/her.

from Romance

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Marriage is Worth Fighting For

‘What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” ) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ Romans 8:31-39(NLT)

‘In my distress I prayed to the Lord , and the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me. I will look in triumph at those who hate me.’ Psalms 118:5-7(NLT)

Hopefully this study has helped you see the incredible value of marriage. God’s design, while broken by sin, is redeemable through Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. His Spirit helps us live out His perfect plan, and in Him, any marriage can be restored.

God desires for our marriages to reflect his relationship with the church. He wants us to practice sacrifice, humility, grace, and forgiveness towards our spouses so that we honor them and honor God through marriage. 

Living in this way can help you restore your marriage. Leaning fully on the power of Christ’s Spirit will give you the love, energy, and desire you need to make it possible, and no one can do it on their own. We all need Christ’s Spirit and His people through the church. Don’t be afraid to seek help, even when it seems no one else is struggling. Pastors, friends, and Christian marriage counselors can help you and your spouse reorient your hearts towards God’s design for marriage. Do not give up. 

As a covenantal relationship, both spouses need to be fully invested in fixing and fighting for a marriage. Both need to fully rely on God’s Spirit. If you are putting in the effort, but your spouse is not, pray that God would soften his or her heart. Only He can fully draw people towards Himself. All you can do is offer the grace and forgiveness that God, through Christ, has offered you.  

When a marriage covenant is broken through adultery or abandonment, spouses should seek wisdom from local pastors and their church community. All throughout scripture, readers see that breaking a covenant is no small matter, and that is true for marriage as well. 

No matter what situation you find you and your spouse in, though, God can help you. Fight against the natural desire to figure it out on your own and instead, seek His wisdom through regular scripture reading, prayer, and reaching out to other Christians. God can heal your marriage, and He can heal your brokenness if you seek Him out. The verses for today remind us that He is for us.

from Pursuing Love While Considering Divorce