Month: September 2020

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1st Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

WISDOM TO NAVIGATE THE TEEN YEARS

‘Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. ‘ Ephesians 5:3-6(NLT)

Before high school there is junior-high. Inevitably, your son and his friends will learn the kind of humor that seems to uniquely rattle the funny bone of junior high boys. The home you raised your son in may have been untarnished from the rude and crude bathroom humor so common to adolescents, but it has a way of finding your boy. So don’t be surprised when farting, belching, spitting, and anything related to bodily functions becomes the height of comedy to your boy. Our culture doesn’t do much to inhibit this brand of humor. Actually, our society seems to work overtime to ensure that it is a permanent part of every man’s adult life. Many of the comedy movies that do so well at the box office seem aimed at seventh-grade boys. And yet these movies and their jokes will attract and appeal to the baser part of people from almost every demographic. 

While it may be impossible to imagine a junior-high boy who isn’t going to laugh at someone passing gas in his classroom, I do believe we have a responsibility as parents, especially as Christian parents, not to prolong or feed this natural appetite for immature bathroom humor. I would suggest there is a whole genre of comedies that just aren’t worth him or you seeing. Ever. There will be enough taking place in their own junior-high universe that provokes that sort of laughter. I certainly don’t need script writers and foley artists to add to their hunger for base humor. When at home and some inevitable situation along these lines prompts a laugh from the whole family, I’d recommend saying, as I did, “That was our quota for the week.” As with certain words or topics of discussion, I would often on the spot make up a quota for that subject. “That’s a once a month word,” or “That is enough on that topic for two weeks.”

Profanity or vulgarity should never be allowed, but in the course of everyday life there will be unavoidable issues, descriptions, or comments that arise, which you’d hate to see become normal fare for your boy. An assortment of indelicate topics will surely make their peers roar with laughter, egging them on for more, but as parents we ought to raise the bar of civility and decorum even during their junior high and high school years.

In every situation, let us remain mindful of what is never appropriate for the people of God:

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. (Eph. 5:3–6)

We should never be willing to laugh, nor allow our children laugh, at the things that will bring judgment to the lost people of this world.

from Raising Men Not Boys

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1st Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

MAKE HIM SWEAT EVERY DAY

‘“Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.” ‘ 1 Timothy 4:8(NLT)

‘The wise are mightier than the strong, and those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger.’ Proverbs 24:5(NLT)

Make him sweat every day. Literally. My wife and I made it our goal to try and see those little beads of sweat on the foreheads of our boys. If it was six o’clock and we hadn’t yet seen that familiar mix of dirt and sweat running down the temples of their little boy faces, we’d take them outside to run around, throw the football, climb a tree, or whatever it took for them to experience that tuckered-out feeling we discovered every boy needs. Everything went better in our home—at dinner, at homework time, at bedtime, at just about every other time— when our boys played outside long enough that day to work up a sweat.

When they were toddlers, it seemed my wife was making up games, tasks, and all kinds of creative challenges to get them to physically expend the pent-up energy that God had implanted in their little bodies. In our electronic age, when most parents are quick to turn on a movie to occupy their boys or hand them a screen to engage their minds, we must work all the harder to purpose each day to get our boys outside to a park, a playground, or a jungle gym. We have to plan to get their bodies moving more often and for longer periods of time.

from Raising Men Not Boys

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1st Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

A HOME THAT BUILDS GODLY MEN

‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:22(NLT)

‘A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.’ Proverbs 12:4(NLT)

‘Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.’ Proverbs 19:14(NLT)

At some point your sons may wonder if marriage is worth it, or even if you care about your spouse (their mom or dad). Here’s why. In 1960, 84 percent of working-class Americans were married. Today you can invert those numbers—only 48 percent of working-class Americans are married.1 The number of children born to unwed mothers has gone from 4 percent in 1940 to 40 percent today2—despite the advent of several birth control methods. Not to mention that our culture no longer considers divorce the serious breach of a solemn vow as it once did.

Marriage is under attack, but you and your spouse can launch a counterattack before your children and others as well. Speak well of marriage whenever possible, and live as though it is the sacred and prioritized relationship God intended it to be. Speak highly of your spouse—and your love for her (or him) before your children. Be done with the “ball and chain” jokes before coworkers and neighbors, and rid your conversation of any demeaning lines about your spouse that can always get a laugh.

Most importantly, hold marriage in the highest regard, praying daily not only for the strength and health of your own marriage, but also for the marriages of your friends, the marriages at your church, and for your boys’ future marriages.

from Raising Men Not Boys

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1st Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

ENVISION A MAN’S FUTURE EVERY DAY

‘For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.’ Psalms 51:5(NLT)

‘Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones. Children are a gift from the Lord ; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.’ Psalms 127:1-5(NLT)

The very first couple received a foundational calling in the familiar words “Be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28), and repeated various times. With the laudable (and rare) exception of forsaking marriage and family for the sake of kingdom advancement, in the spirit of Jesus Christ Himself (Matt. 19:12), raising children to produce the next generational society is to be the norm. Unless you are a confirmed “kingdom single,” the biblical expectation is the covenant of marriage and the subsequent engagement in raising children for the fulfillment of God’s global plan and for Christ’s eternal glory. The big perspective then is that your little boy was not entrusted to you to bring you joy, fulfill you, or make you happy—though I pray he will. His temporary consignment to your family is to prepare him to take his place in this world as a trophy of God’s grace and as an agent of God’s values and priorities in this upcoming generation.

The Scriptures tell us children are the glory of their parents (Prov. 17:6). A simple yet profound readjustment of our parenting mindset makes analogies like the one found in Psalm 127 come to life. God illustrates the role of a mom and dad like this: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” (Ps. 127:3–5a). 

It is considered a blessing in God’s economy to be a spiritual archer in your generation, having a case over your shoulder filled with young children that you are aiming and launching into the next generation! What a vivid and rare perspective on being a parent. Your boy is for a time in your home, under your care, and in proximity of your influence to be thoughtfully pointed, and launched, and propelled into the future to make a strategic impact for the Lord’s good purposes.

Can you see how this perspective can transform your perspective from the very beginning? So many modern parents’ voices begin to quiver when they imagine their little boy growing up. They lament the thought of him one day moving out and moving on. They see his forthcoming maturity as some kind of foreboding eventuality, instead of as the whole point of having him in the first place: the gratifying goal of shooting these arrows into the world that God has planned for them to impact.

So, from the beginning get this truth in your heart and mind. That squirmy little infant you bring home from the hospital is, in a short number of years, intended by God’s design to step into His world as a young man who will make a difference for Christ. Your job is to release him to this reality. Your goal cannot be to “hang on to him as long as possible.” Your hope must be to see him become that independent, mature, functioning adult. God has made this arrangement very clear.

from Raising Men Not Boys

Categories
1st Marriage Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

SET YOUR BOY’S SPIRITUAL TRAJECTORY

‘For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.’ Psalms 51:5(NLT)

‘When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned. Yes, people sinned even before the law was given. But it was not counted as sin because there was not yet any law to break. Still, everyone died—from the time of Adam to the time of Moses—even those who did not disobey an explicit commandment of God, as Adam did. Now Adam is a symbol, a representation of Christ, who was yet to come. But there is a great difference between Adam’s sin and God’s gracious gift. For the sin of this one man, Adam, brought death to many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of forgiveness to many through this other man, Jesus Christ. And the result of God’s gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man’s sin. For Adam’s sin led to condemnation, but God’s free gift leads to our being made right with God, even though we are guilty of many sins. For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous. God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’ Romans 5:12-21(NLT)

‘Dear brothers and sisters, the longing of my heart and my prayer to God is for the people of Israel to be saved. ‘ Romans 10:1(NLT)

It must be kept in mind that no matter how cute and adorable a newborn boy might be, he enters our world with a serious and far-reaching problem. Contrary to what many assume, human beings are not born into the world as blank slates or morally neutral beings. We are all “conceived in sin” (Ps. 51:5), as descendants of fallen ancestors (Gen. 3:20), sharing the same sinful nature as the rest of fallen humanity (Rom. 5:12–21).

The residual effects of our first parents’ rebellion against God are present in every child. Consider the biological effects of sin’s impact on our infants in something as common as a viral infection, or as serious as a life-threatening and debilitating birth defect, as was the case in the birth of my daughter. Every person’s vulnerability to the power of death, regardless of age, is convincing evidence that all humans share in the wages of Adam’s disobedience.

Thinking beyond the physical consequences of humanity’s fundamental problem, consider the far more serious manifestations, namely the propensity to continue the pattern of sin and rebellion against God’s righteous laws. Our boys don’t enter the world with a bent to do what is righteous (as charming as they may at times be to their mothers and grandmothers); they are predisposed to do what the Bible defines as sin. They fall short of God’s glorious standards and exist as young fallen humans, relationally alienated from the life of God. In other words, our boys need to be reconciled to their Maker, they need to be redeemed by Christ’s death on their behalf, and they need to be declared righteous by the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit.

This life-changing conversion of sinners should be the ardent hope and prayer of every Christian parent. We should want more than anything for our sons to come to a place of rightly understanding their need for the gospel of Jesus Christ. We ought to be praying that they will experience a profound sense of conviction over their own sins, and see the incomparable value of Christ’s suffering on their behalf. None of this is possible without the work of God’s Spirit in their lives. I trust we can say with the apostle Paul, “My heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved” (Rom. 10:1).

from Raising Men Not Boys

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Are You and Your Partner Soul Mates?

‘Praise the Lord ! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heaven! Praise him for his mighty works; praise his unequaled greatness! Praise him with a blast of the ram’s horn; praise him with the lyre and harp! Praise him with the tambourine and dancing; praise him with strings and flutes! Praise him with a clash of cymbals; praise him with loud clanging cymbals. Let everything that breathes sing praises to the Lord !’ Psalms 150:1-6(NLT)

We’ll admit it. For much of our marriage, we have felt out of sync spiritually. Not that we don’t share the same values or maintain our individual walks with God. It was more that we didn’t understand each other’s way of relating to God. And that made it difficult to relate to God as a couple.

I (Leslie) am a contemplative, through and through. I like nothing more than to spend time each day alone with God. I like to rise early and spend time in God’s Word. It comes naturally. Nothing about this style, however, seemed natural to Les.

I (Les) tend to be more intellectual about my faith. I don’t know if it’s my upbringing or my academic training (including seminary), but I feel closest to God when I am studying an insight new to me. I come alive in my relationship with God when I gain a new insight. The time I most often spend with God is while I’m reading a new book or in my study, lined with reference tools that help me in my spiritual pursuit. Not so for Leslie. She viewed my approach as too academic and emotionally removed.

So how do the two of us relate to God together? We each still lean into what brings us closer to God individually—but now we also value each other’s approach. In the past, we selfishly expected the other to conform to our own leanings. After all, that felt like the best way to relate to God. But now we value the other’s sacred path. This simple revelation was a breakthrough for our marriage.

In practical terms, how do each of you relate to God best and how can that help you cultivate spiritual intimacy together as a couple? And as you read this biblical passage from Psalms, consider how praising God together factors into your shared bond. What are examples of how you do this?

from Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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Saving Marriage ZZ

“Do You Know How to Fight a Good Fight?”

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.’ Philippians 2:3-5(NLT)

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

We’ve had our share of fights. What marriage, with a few years of history, hasn’t? But can you imagine a couple fighting over a bar of soap –to the point that it ended their marriage?

That’s the plotline of the book, Love in the Time of Cholera. It was the wife’s job to keep the house in order, including the towels, toilet paper, and soap in the bathroom. One day she forgot to replace the soap.

Her husband exaggerated the oversight: “I’ve been bathing for almost a week without any soap.”

She vigorously denied forgetting to replace the soap. Although she had indeed forgotten, her pride was at stake, and she would not back down. For the next seven months they slept in separate rooms and ate in silence. Their marriage had suffered a heart attack.

“Even when they were old and placid,” says the author, “they were very careful about bringing it up, for the barely healed wounds could begin to bleed again as if they had been inflicted only yesterday.”

How can a bar of soap ruin a marriage? The answer is actually simple: Because neither partner would say, “Forgive me.”

Those two words are essential to a successful partnership – and a requirement for moving past conflict.

Your relationship must be continually wrapped and rewrapped in forgiveness. Without it, your connection to each other will falter under the unbearable weight of blame and pain – as this biblical passage shows us. So how natural or easy is it for both of you to ask one another for forgiveness?

from Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Have You Bridged the Gender Gap?

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

‘Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.’ Proverbs 29:11(NLT)

Do Not Judge Other
‘“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.
Effective Prayer
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.
The Golden Rule
“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
The Narrow Gate
“You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.
The Tree and Its Fruit
“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves. You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.
True Disciples
“Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’
Building on a Solid Foundation
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, for he taught with real authority—quite unlike their teachers of religious law.’ Matthew 7:1-29(NLT)

A survey of more than 1,000 married couples found that husbands and wives don’t tend to talk about the same things.

The leading discussion subject for men is news events (talked about in the previous week by 71 percent of respondents), followed by work (68 percent).

Women, on the other hand, talked about food (76 percent) and health (72 percent).

Men were far more likely to have talked about sports (65 percent to women’s 42 percent) while women were more likely to have discussed personal problems (52 percent to men’s 40 percent).

Whatever the topic, however, we share one thing in common. Husbands and wives depend on communication to keep their relationship running. It is the lifeblood of every marriage. Couples who can’t communicate well, who don’t speak clearly and listen carefully, soon fall apart. It’s key to bridging the gender gap.

In the previous day’s reading, we explored communication in general, but how are you using it to bridge the inevitable gender gap that so many couples struggle with? If you were to rate your effectiveness in understanding each other as a man and a woman, on a scale of one to ten, how well are you doing? And what could help you do this better?

Another important question: How would you rate yourself when it comes to listening to your partner? Be honest as you talk to each other about this. What seems to distract you most (e.g., your phone) while you’re trying to have a conversation and why? More importantly, what will you do to minimize the distraction? After all: “The road to the heart is the ear,” wrote Voltaire. Carefully listening to your partner is the quickest path across the gender gap and it’s sure to engender more intimacy.

As you read these biblical passages, consider how they can inform your actions in this area.

from Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Can You Say What You Mean and Understand What You Hear?

‘I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. ‘ 1 Corinthians 1:10(NLT)

‘Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. ‘ 1 John 3:18(NLT)

A traditional Navaho wedding was taking place outside of Seattle. As was customary, tribal couples crowded into their Hogan, a Navaho dwelling structure, to offer counsel to the newlyweds.

One man cleared his throat as if to speak, but at that very moment his wife kneed him in the back. So he kept silent. Later he again cleared his throat, but again felt his wife’s restraining knee. It happened a third time.

As the guests filed out, the wife with the knee asked her husband, “Why did you say nothing?”

“I was going to, but each time I was about to speak I thought you didn’t want me to.”

“I nudged you three times to get you to speak,” she protested. “What would you have said?”

“I would have spoken of the importance of communication in marriage.”

It’s nearly impossible to exaggerate the importance of communication in marriage – as well as the difficulty it presents for most couples.

Experts estimate that 70 percent of our waking hours are spent either taking information in or giving it out. Thirty-three percent of that time is devoted to talking and 42 percent to listening. We communicate more than just about any other human activity.

So why do so many married couples have communication problems?

One big reason is busyness. In a national survey of married couples, researchers found that, on average, we spend less than three minutes of meaningful conversation together in a typical day.

Yikes! Can you believe it? At this stage in your relationship you may be saying, “That will never happen to us.” We get that. And we believe it – as long as you are intentional.

So what can you do at the outset of your marriage to combat busyness and ensure that you have meaningful time to talk? What honeymoon habit can you put in place? In practical terms, how do these biblical passages shed light on what you might need to do?

from Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

Categories
Saving Marriage ZZ

Have You Developed the Habit of Happiness?

‘Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:17(NLT)

‘Do everything without complaining and arguing, ‘ Philippians 2:14(NLT)

Little did we know, however, that we would receive more thankful emails on this chapter than any other. Here’s a typical note:

Les & Leslie: I’m so glad we read your chapter on the habit of happiness. It changed everything about our honeymoon.

You see, my new husband wanted to surprise me – and that’s what he did. But not in a good way. He took me camping for our honeymoon. I couldn’t believe it. He was so excited but I was stunned.

Not only that, but when we got to the campsite, it was raining. Hard. I was sitting in the soggy tent watching him try to start a fire with wet logs and I started sulking. How could he do this to me, I thought. Did I just marry the most insensitive guy in the world?

I was just gearing up to tell him what a ridiculous idea this was and then it hit me. The message of your chapter filled my mind – I could choose my attitude. I realized we’d be telling this honeymoon story forever and I could either make it more miserable by whining or I could choose to be happy anyhow.

Long story short, I stayed positive and he realized it wasn’t a great idea. We packed up and headed to a quaint little hotel a few miles away – more in love than ever.

Ask most people what makes a marriage endure and you’ll undoubtedly hear something about love. But ask anyone who has dedicated themselves to study and research of the topic and you’ll hear a different answer: A good, enduring marriage is built by two people’s capacity to adjust to bad things. It’s true. Every marriage, no matter how good, eventually bumps into bad things – whether it’s bad weather, financial problems, illness or whatever. And it’s a couple’s capacity to adjust to circumstances beyond their control that will make or break their union.

How well do the two of you adjust to difficult circumstances? As you read this biblical passage, consider its application to your future marriage and how the two of you will muster the resiliency to adjust to tough times.

from Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott