Month: September 2020

‘Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. ‘ Romans 12:15(NLT)

‘When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. ‘ Job 2:11(NLT)

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ‘ Jeremiah 29:11(NLT)

‘But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.’ Psalms 73:28(NLT)

‘Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles.’ Psalms 119:50(NLT)

As a church, we have to help the offending party realize that God’s forgiveness is real. Just like it is written in 1st John 1:9,” If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Forgiveness is real! And then, we need to help both parties look to the future with hope. Sometimes people feel like they’ve failed in a way that they can never recover from. We need to help them see that not only can the Lord restore, He can actually make your marriage better than it’s ever been. He is able to do that. We’re not looking at what we’re able to do, but what He is able to do.  

Some couples want to leave the church when this happens, but I don’t think that isolation is ever the answer when you’re going through tribulation. If anytime you need the body of Christ, is at those tough times. That is why Paul urges us to, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

Church, we must be willing to forgive and be like Job’s friends before they started talking. They were wonderful counselors before they started talking. They sat with him. They were there with him. Romans 12 says, “We weep with those who weep…” and as we’re doing that type of ministry, we have the opportunity to say, “Listen, we’re not trying to take away your grief. What we want to do is help you walk through  maturity through this. Because God is up to something good even though something bad is happening. Let’s identify what that is. Let’s help you grow in your sanctification in this process together.”

Forgiveness is real and God’s power is real. Let’s look to Him in hope.

from Restoring A Broken Marriage

‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. ‘ Romans 8:28-29(NLT)

‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.’ Galatians 6:9-10(NLT)

‘Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.’ Hebrews 12:3-4(NLT)

I want to speak to the party who is truly seeking to remain faithful in the marriage. I want to share with them the importance of loving an unfaithful person. I want to say to them, “This person is not trustworthy but that’s not grounds for you to not do what you were called to do. Let’s evaluate this person not according to what they are supposed to do, but according to who they are. Let’s anticipate in wisdom how you can begin to walk in love towards this person, knowing some of the choices they are going to make.”

As a shepherd, I would have them lean heavily on the support of their congregation. To the church, I would ask that where we know there is a lack of faithfulness, we need to exercise discipline. And look at how we can support this man or woman, in the process of church discipline: 

• We understand what we’re doing, who this person is, their unwillingness to repent, and here is how we’re going to stand with you. 
• Here’s how we’re going to help you practically deal with the fact that this person is causing devastation to this relationship. 
• Let’s talk about how God wants you to handle this devastation, knowing that the church does not have all the answers, but the one thing we know is that this is an opportunity to build your character and your faith, not in that person but in Jesus Christ himself. 
• Let’s strategically identify what traits of your character we need to help you grow in through this unrepentant person. 
• What attributes of God do we help you embrace as you walk through this?

The church of our time needs to deal with marital sin in its midst. We cannot allow these things to go on in our congregations. We have to address them if we believe what the Bible says in Galatians 6:1, “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.” By addressing their sin, it is restorative in nature. It’s not punishing them, it is loving them, and seeking to rescue them. 

from Restoring A Broken Marriage

‘For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.’ Isaiah 43:19(NLT)

‘“I am the Lord , the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me? ‘ Jeremiah 32:27(NLT)

‘Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”’ Matthew 19:26(NLT)

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:12-14(NLT)

We’re going to assume that there is genuine repentance. Let’s assume that the person who was unfaithful has turned to the Lord, confessed their sin, and repented. The key is going to be on the part of the person that remained faithful… they are going to have to forgive. Without genuine forgiveness of their spouse, the marriage is going to have a difficult time recovering. 

Forgiveness is going to be key. Forgiveness is an act, a decision by which we set the offender free. We release the offender free from our hearts from their guilt against us. Forgiveness belongs to the new man. Truly forgiven people are forgiving people. Forgiven people will not say, “Until I’m satisfied you won’t be set free.” We understand why people need forgiveness because we needed forgiveness. This is where salvation is put on display because forgiveness is an act of love. We struggle with forgiveness when we don’t confess our own sins. When we come face to face with our own guiltiness toward the Lord, we’ll be willing to show the same mercy toward someone who is guilty toward us. 

Then on the part of the offending party, they have to be willing to take whatever step is necessary to minister love to the person they’ve been unfaithful to. There are going to be new boundaries that help protect them from going down the same road again, but also steps they can take to impart a sense of confidence and assurance to their spouse if they love them and are fully committed to remaining faithful moving forward. 

I would encourage both parties to look to the Lord throughout every step of this. As married people, our confidence in the ultimate sense is not in our spouse but in the Lord. Whether the person is faithful or unfaithful, I’m going to look to Christ. We need to be God-reliant, God-dependent, God-focused people to get through this situation successfully. 

from Restoring A Broken Marriage