Month: September 2020

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

When Communication Is Broken

‘“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.’ Matthew 7:12(NLT)

‘But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. ‘ Matthew 15:18(NLT)

‘Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.’ Proverbs 21:23(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

Broken communication is a result of broken people. Understanding that opens our hearts to demonstrating grace toward our spouses.  As much as I want to be the best wife I can be, I’m a sinner–and so is my husband. In the early years of our marriage, our angry reactions to conflict turned adversarial or hurtful. They should have been opportunities to learn about one another and grow in grace. Some of the biggest issues relating to poor communication include:

Bottling feelings instead of talking about them

Tone of voice that is angry or rude

Nagging

Ignoring

Passive-aggressive behavior

Being distracted by devices

Making assumptions

Feeling unheard

Not following through on agreements

Arguing to win instead of talking to problem solve

Name calling

Foul language

Texting instead of talking

Hearing but not listening

It’s a long list, but don’t despair, the Bible has all the answers to all our communication triggers.

Matthew 7:12 (ESV) says, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Notice, the verse does not say we should yell, throw a fit, retreat and sulk, or gossip to others about our husbands or wives. When Guy and I are in the middle of a disagreement, the Holy Spirit often enters my thinking and prompts my heart with this question, “Amber, do you want to win, or do you want love to win?”

A good foundational truth for healthy communication is found in Matthew 15:18 (NIV). The apostle writes, “But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.” As much as we would like to point fingers and focus on how to fix our spouse, the truth of the matter is that we can only change ourselves. This verse reveals to us where broken communication begins: in our own hearts. The things we say, or don’t say, flow from our hearts. Dark heart. Dark words. Kind heart. Kind words. Resentful heart. Resentful words. Godly thinking. Godly communication.

The only way for a heart to be transformed is by committing to reading our Bibles and applying what we read. When relationship triggers jostle us, whatever is in our hearts will spill out. If the Truths of God’s Word, like Matthew 7:12, are deeply rooted in our hearts, then our natural responses turn supernatural. The only way we can breathe life into our spouses is if we are intentionally being transformed by the renewing of our minds through God’s Word. (Romans 12:2, NIV)

A great starting point for couples who have broken communication is to choose a verse or two to focus on and allow God to speak into your marriage with those verses in mind. Write them out and put them on display in your home or on the steering wheel of your car. Set a reminder on your phone with the communication goal you have in mind and the Bible verse you are dwelling on so that it pops up several times a day. We can’t do and say the same old things and expect a different result.

A happy marriage where communication thrives is a reward you can enjoy now, but the messages you send to one another supersede good communication. They convey your willingness to fulfill the eternal purpose of your life, to love God and to love others.

Let’s Pray: Dear Lord, you have given us instructions in Your Word. We are not helpless to know how to talk with one another. My husband/wife and I are not communicating in ways that honor You. We feel stuck! Father, please help us to communicate with loving-kindness. Let our hearts be so in tune with Your heart that our words, body language, tone of voice, and actions demonstrate our desire to communicate effectively. Father, I love my husband/wife. Do a good work in our marriage, opening up our ability to talk with one another in ways that make us stronger, not tearing each other apart. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

from 5 Days to Freedom from Anger in Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

When You Are Weary and Exhausted

‘For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.’ 1 Peter 2:21(NLT)

‘Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ‘ Matthew 11:28(NLT)

Our marriage triggers become marriage testers. The test of weariness and exhaustion makes or breaks us. If you feel this way, there is hope. We find help to go from triggered to triumphant in I Peter 2:21 (ESV) where the apostle Peter guides us toward godly thinking. He writes:

“For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.”

Christ is our example. That’s a lot to aspire to, isn’t it? Nevertheless, God doesn’t give us an “out” in times of weariness and exhaustion. When He was cursed, He blessed. When needy crowds pressed in relentlessly, He made Himself available. When they were hungry, He fed them. When they needed correction, He lovingly but boldly gave it to them. When they hurt Him, He forgave them. When He needed sleep, He pressed on. When He suffered, He kept the eternal picture in mind. He kept you and me in mind.

On our wedding days, we promised to love and cherish our spouses.  In order to do that well, we can’t just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps when the going gets rough. Allowing Jesus to care for us enables us to care for our spouses.

Matthew 11:28 (ERV) says: “Come to me all of you who are tired from the heavy burden you have been forced to carry. I will give you rest.”

Your burdens may feel anything but light today. God is not trying to make light of your circumstances. He wants you to see your circumstances through His light. We are not helpless or forgotten in our times of need. Jesus knows the number of hairs on your head. Why would He take such care to count them if they were not precious to Him? Don’t allow an hour to go by before taking your cares to Jesus. Because the Bible is our Daily Bread, we become malnourished spiritually if we neglect it. Spending time with the Lord refreshes our spirits and strengthens us to face both our trials and our triggers.

If you feel triggered by the weariness and exhaustion of your circumstances, you won’t be able to combat your anger and frustration until you lay your burden down at the feet of Jesus. Jesus asks us to learn from Him. To take note of how gentle and humble He is. In the same way that our angry reactions typically spark even bigger angry reactions in our spouses, Jesus’ gentle and humble spirit rubs off on us, producing a supernatural steadiness of heart and mind.

As we give our weariness to the Lord, His gentleness becomes our gentleness. His humility is reflected in our own. As we grow in character, exhaustion gives way to strength upon strength, equipping us with the ability to overcome the temptation to lash out in frustration.

The husband and wife who are followers of Christ never have to operate on empty or be quick to anger. We are promised the fruit of supernatural strength and given an example in the person of Jesus Christ.

The heart filled with godly character has very little room for angry reactions. Let’s accept the invitation to “come” to the Lord and find rest for our souls by demonstrating gentleness and humility in our marriages as trust in Him.

Let’s Pray: Lord Jesus, thank You for being an example to us. You hold the answer to all our marriage problems. You know how we feel. Thank You for inviting us to come. We beg of You to help us grow in gentleness and humility. Lord, give us a desire to put our husband or wife’s needs before our own. As we pour out, let us be filled supernaturally with Your rest. Let us love one another deeply, letting go of anger and resentment. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

from 5 Days to Freedom from Anger in Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

When Finances Cause You to Clash

‘Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.’ Matthew 6:21(NLT)

‘And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:19(NLT)

‘“Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.’ Luke 12:33-34(NLT)

It’s important to ask ourselves some poignant questions when conflicts over finances (or any other issue) arise:

What is my goal in dealing with this issue?

Am I opening my heart to understanding my spouse’s point of view? Can I let go of my need in this situation for the betterment of my spouse/marriage? Am I being humble? Is what I am saying and thinking, biblical? If we don’t come to a place of agreement or understanding, am I willing to yield? Can I grace my spouse and give them what they don’t deserve, just as Jesus does for me so often?

When peace rules our hearts, that is the moment to hash things out and set some specific plans in place. When emotions are high, few of us can become teachable or communicate in a way that has the other person’s best interest wholly in mind. Our emotions block us from thinking logically or responding gently and biblically.

Certain moments in our lives can be trigger moments. Are financial discussions one of your trigger moments? Do you cringe every time the topic of money comes up? A good idea is to decide with your spouse that you will talk about finances only when you have the budget right in front of you or only on the weekend when your schedules are more “relaxed”. Coming to these kinds of agreements with one another is a proactive way to avoid the reactive disagreements we all want to avoid.

The key is to be inclusive of one another’s ideas and feelings, working toward a reasonable and godly practice of stewardship. It sounds simple enough, but we forget that money is never more important than the people in our lives. But what if your spouse refuses to collaborate with you? God is more interested in our own transformation than He is in fixing our circumstances so that we don’t have to change. When your husband disregards your feelings about spending, commit to being mindful of his feelings. When your wife forgets to balance the checkbook, be diligent on your end. You can never go wrong by doing what is right!

The issue of money is mentioned more than 800 times throughout the Bible. The words “love” and “sin” are each referred to half as many times as money! Why does God put such an emphasis on this topic? For good reason. Matthew 6:21 (NIV) reminds us: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Whatever we do with our money is a reflection of our hearts. 

When righteous anger fills our hearts, He searches our souls to guard us against the co-mingling of unrighteous anger. If our spouse resists change or carries on unwisely in financial decisions, He helps us to respond with loving-kindness and discernment. When worry and discontent threaten to discourage us, Jesus is ready to offer us peace and satisfaction. When everything and everyone seems unstable Jesus remains steadfast. Put your trust in Him to both refine you and meet your needs and you will find a security that is far more valuable than money.

Let’s Pray: “Heavenly Father, You are our Provider. I trust You to cover our financial needs. Forgive me for my lack of faith. My views about money have often been sinful and need Your help to manage and steward the money you have given to me and my spouse. Grant us your wisdom. Allow financial discussions to bring us together instead of tearing us apart. All we have is Yours, Lord. May our finances reflect our desire to love and serve You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

from 5 Days to Freedom from Anger in Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

When Your Life Looks Different Than You Thought It Would

‘I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.’ Romans 15:13(NLT)

‘Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ Proverbs 3:6(NLT)

My friend Amy lived the fairy tale married life until she found out she was pregnant with quadruplets. Hospitalized early on in her pregnancy, she and her husband, Phil, scrambled, preparing for their lives to turn upside down. Then, at age 2, their precious son, Jordan, faced the fight of his life when he was diagnosed with leukemia. Their fairy tale barely had a chance.

The stress of family life triggered arguments and left almost no time to nurture their own relationship. Life turned out much, much different than they expected.

For many of us who can relate to Amy and Phil, we might not even recognize our anger as it is often layered under discontent, fear, or anxiety. When our reality is at odds with our hopes and dreams, we become hard to please. Nothing our spouse does is acceptable because we are living in a perpetual place of discomfort. Let’s ask ourselves a few questions. Are we complaining to others about our spouses? Do we have a critical spirit? These are telltale signs of an angry heart. Discovering this about ourselves is no reason to feel guilt or shame if we allow the discovery to push us toward spiritual growth.

Proverbs 3:6 (NAS), says: “In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” Our paths may be unexpected to us, but that doesn’t mean that God has made a mistake.

Hope that comes from God is genuine, deeply rooted in our knowledge that God is good, and He is for us. If you don’t believe that the present circumstances in your marriage are for your good, then you are under the influence of a lie. We may not have control over how our lives have turned out but we always have the power to make the best of the life we have. We always have a choice to trust God with the circumstances of our lives. One day, we will understand why things turned out the way they did. Today is not that day. Today is the day for trusting God.

We can either survey the twists and turns of our lives and become angry, making ourselves and everyone around us more miserable, or we can accept the peace of God, and look to Him to make something beautiful out of our lives. Your spouse will fail you. Jobs will come and go. When you can’t believe what has happened to your life, take the next step that God lays before you. Make meals, do your work to the best of your ability, speak kindly to your husband or wife, be patient as you wait in line to be seated at a restaurant, send a card to a service man or woman oversees, mentor a group of young men, shovel your neighbor’s driveway. Do the next right thing in front of you yielding to God’s will for your life. And every time you do, hope rises.

If you are reading this devotional, potential looms before you. We may need to let go of our own versions of our fairy tales, but we have a God who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all we could ask or imagine. On the mountain top, or in the valley, hope in God is ours for the taking. Hope on. Hope ever. Your story isn’t over yet.

Let’s Pray: God, my life is not at all what I thought it would be and neither is my marriage. I trust that Your plans for my life are good–better than mine. Father give me hope. I yield the picture of what I thought my life would look like to You. Let me be a good and godly wife/husband, even when I’m struggling. Anything is possible with You, Lord! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

from 5 Days to Freedom from Anger in Your Marriage

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

It Takes Grace To Forgive

‘“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!’ Matthew 18:22(NLT)

What happened cannot be changed, yet forgiveness has the power to change your future. Your future cannot be affected, wasted, or darkened by what someone else did to you, not even your spouse, unless you allow it to happen. If you decide to forgive, your future will be different. Bitterness can turn into joy, darkness can turn into light, mourning into joy, pain into sweetness, and sadness into happiness. Forgiveness sets us free from bondage. that tie our lives and sicken our bodies. 

To forgive does not mean that you agree with what happened. It does not mean that what happened was ok and you approve of that. To forgive does not mean that you are disregarding what happened; rather, it means that you are leaving behind all the negative thoughts that are causing you pain. Forgiveness is based on the extension of grace over what happened. Lack of forgiveness can make you a slave to the events and situations that are causing you pain. Lack of forgiveness is the most devastating poison there is for the spirit, and it neutralizes every one of our spiritual resources. 

A married couple can have significant problems and get divorced. Some married couples can get divorced over inconsequential things like splashing the toilet or leaving the toothpaste out of place. Other couples, on the other hand, can go through harder and more difficult things and come out stronger because they use the filter of forgiveness on their hearts. Which is more serious, Infidelity, or splashing the toilet? In either case, if you do not use the filter of forgiveness, the outcome will be the death of the marriage. 

When Peter asked, “How many times should I forgive?” I wonder if he was thinking about his relationship with his wife? “Seventy times?” I think he was keeping score. Yet Jesus told him, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven!” Forgiveness only exists to God’s extent. It has no limit. It goes beyond human capacity and reason. 

The strongest marriages are not made up of people who never make mistakes, but of those who have learned to carry the filter of forgiveness with them to put into practice what Jesus said, “Seventy times seven.” If we put the filter on our mouths and our eyes, and we see the treasure that God gave us with the one He brought into our lives, and we apply the filter of forgiveness every day, our marriage will be built upon the Rock. Winds and storms may come, but our house will not move, because is built upon the Rock who is Jesus Christ. 

 Reflect

 Is your marriage built upon Jesus Christ? 

 I pray that you can use these three filters every day and that your marriage is built upon the Rock, Jesus Christ. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Put A Filter On Your Heart

‘Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:23(NLT)

‘But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”’ Mark 11:25(NLT)

A real man is not how he has been portrayed in so many cultures, in the deviant and perverted “Macho” culture. A real man is not the one who can last the longest at a pub drinking alcoholic beverages, but the one who lasts the longest playing with his children at home. A real man is not the one who yells the loudest, but the one who loves his wife the most. It is not the one who has been married many times with a history he likes to show off everywhere, but the one who thinks of being faithful to one woman. A real man is the one who, after many years, still has a wife who feels proud of him. 

The third filter we need is the one we should put on the heart of each spouse. We know that from the heart flow the springs of life. We are not talking about putting a filter on our physical heart, but within us, at the center of our emotions. That is the only way we can experience something we will need during our married lives: forgiveness. We need a filter on our heart so that every time it gets contaminated there can be forgiveness. That filter receives everything we do not like, every negative word, and every action that wants to destroy our marriage and our hearts. 

If we do not learn to forgive and walk practicing forgiveness as a filter on our hearts, our marriages will most likely fail. Forgiveness is not an emotion; it is a decision. Forgiveness is to intentionally end that period in our lives that caused us pain. It is taking away its power to keep hurting us. It is leaving pain at a specific place, so that we may never feel it again.



We need to bury that which has caused us pain, cover it, and never dig it up again. We need to understand that what happened, what they said to us, does not need to destroy our marriage. What can destroy our marriage is our lack of forgiveness.



Forgiveness is the good management of our hearts. You can avoid the cost of anger, hatred, bitterness, and disappointment. Forgiveness is meant to be like a debt that has been paid, fully paid. When. you forgive, you do not bring the offense up again and again. You set it aside and move on. 

Reflect

 Am I applying the process of forgiveness in my marriage?

 I pray that you can decide to forgive your spouse. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Put A Filter On Your Eyes

‘So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed.’ Genesis 2:21-23(NLT)

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:22(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

The second filter we, as married people, should use is a filter on our eyes. We need to start looking at our marriage as what it truly is. God brought someone into our lives to perfect us and so we could complement one another. The best part of the movie of your life is your wife, just as the best part of her movie is her husband.

When God saw Adam alone He said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God took Adam at the beginning and took something out of him. Adam had a void as a result of one of his ribs being removed. At that moment he was incomplete. Something that is incomplete is not good. 

God came to Adam and said, “This man needs help.” He gave him a suitable helper, the perfect helper. If God has given you the perfect helper it is because He saw that you needed help. The Scripture says in Proverbs 18:22, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure.” He finds good things. God made a woman for a man. Your wife is the extension of your life. She represents you, and you represent her. If she is happy or sad, that is the reflection of you. My wife is my mirror and I am her mirror.

We are an extension of each other—we are one. Your husband represents you: where he is, what he says, what he does. If the husband is successful, the wife is successful. Nobody knows their partner as well as a spouse does, not even their mother or father. When you are married you see every weakness, fault, and mistake that nobody else knows. 

God shows you your partner’s weaknesses so that you can help them. If your husband has a lot of weaknesses and God put you with him as a wise woman, be careful so that you can help him. We should feel proud of our spouses, because they complement our weak areas, and they know every one of our weaknesses. 

God brought you together to see things other people cannot see. This is the way God is telling you, “cover that weakness.” We need to learn when our spouses have a weakness and cover them and perfect them.

 Reflect

 Are you complementing your spouse’s weak areas? 

I pray that you have the right filter on your eyes and see the way your spouse complements you. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Good News Can Change Us

‘And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! ‘ James 3:10(NLT)

‘It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.”’ Matthew 15:11(NLT)

Words have the divine power to generate realities—that is why prayer is so powerful. Prayer is declaring God’s purposes. You can pray for your spouse for years, “I want my spouse to change,” but if every time you talk to them you say negative things, that prayer is not going to work. Understand that praying is speaking what God says. Instead of praying for two hours on your knees and then doing something that contradicts your prayers, you will achieve more if you declare God’s purpose over your spouse. You need to know that he or she is who God says they are.

Our words, the same as our prayers, are declarations that align things to the will of God. James 3 in the Scriptures talks about people who do not put a filter on their mouths, people who have not learned to stop saying negative things. If two different things are coming out of your mouth, God has given you the power today to stop cursing and start speaking words of blessing. It is a choice, a decision you have to make. You can choose today to speak what is right and put a filter on your mouth to create a positive reality in your marriage.

I need to learn to speak so that the negative energy that is within me, can be changed into positive energy. My words affect not only the people I speak to but my life as well. In many ways, the state our marriages are in is the result of the words we have been declaring over our spouses. Do not let negative things come out of your mouth any longer. 

God’s message is called “The Good News” because bad news does not change a person. People and marriages change when they hear good news. Good news can change us on the inside and change our families, our jobs, and our world. We need to learn how to speak like God. God put His Word in our mouths. We need to speak of God’s decrees, establish them in our marriage, and start creating life and change in our homes.

 Reflect

 Are you using the Good News to change lives?

 I pray that you can create new realities every day, the way God does. 

from Bulletproof Marriages

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

What Is Within You Is What You Speak

‘Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.’ Proverbs 18:20(NLT)

‘So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ. ‘ Romans 10:17(NLT)

 “From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Whatever is in our hearts, that is what we are going to express. There is a direct connection between what I say and what is in my heart. What I say is linked to what I have within me. However, there is something we need to understand: since what I say is a result of what is in my heart, I need to start saying things that can change what is within me. What is in my heart comes out in the words I say, and what I say also directly affects or changes what is within me.

You reap what you sow with your words. Words are like seeds; they can be seeds of life or seeds of death. That is why Proverbs 18:20 says, “From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.” What do I have to do? I need to start saying positive things knowingly, intentionally, so that my words can build a new reality within me. 

I am made of the words I speak. Talk to a person and you will know what is inside of them. It is like a vicious cycle. I speak from what is within me, and what is within me is filled by what I speak. When I am trapped in a bad cycle of negative words, I need to break that cycle by stopping all the negative talk. Then, I need to start speaking words of life, words that can build a positive reality in my marriage. The course of your life is being outlined by the words you speak; what you say determines where you are going.

In many ways, we have been limited by the words we have allowed to enter our hearts and minds. Many of those words have hindered our abilities. In the same way, what we say when we talk to our spouse has an effect on their lives. The words I say to them will cause either belief or disbelief. If I tell them, “You are such a hypocrite! You go to church, but what kind of a Christian are you?”, this will have a negative effect on them. Those words go against everything God says. They generate a reality of unbelief and go against God’s purpose.

 

Reflect

 What are the effects of my words on my spouse? What are the words that can build my spouse up? What is within me that comes out of my mouth? Are my words aligned with what God says about me?

I pray for every negative cycle in your life to be broken.

from Bulletproof Marriages

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

The Power Of Well–Spoken Words

‘The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ Proverbs 18:21(NLT)

‘“And now I entrust you to God and the message of his grace that is able to build you up and give you an inheritance with all those he has set apart for himself.’ Acts of the Apostles 20:32(NLT)

‘Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.’ Proverbs 25:11(NLT)

‘That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.” This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing.’ Romans 4:17(NLT)

Everything I say creates a reality in my environment. If I go to the office and see a group of people working, and I tell them that they do not look ok, that they seem ill and sad, and then I ask them what is wrong with them, the words I said can generate a negative atmosphere in their lives. However, if I tell them: “Hey, you guys look great today, what happened?”, they might ask, “Really? I look great?” They start to feel good about themselves. They start to look happy!



We need to speak words that are good for building people up and for establishing them—words that can add something good to their lives. We should understand that our words have the power to build realities. The Scriptures say that God works by calling things which are not as though they were, because He knows that there is creative power in His words. He knows that when He speaks, nonexistent things begin to exist. For this reason, when He talks about us, He calls us holy, blameless, and perfect. Everything He says about us in Christ is positive and He makes sure we know that. He calls things which are not as though they were because there lies His creative power.

Just as the Word of God has power, so do our words. They have the power to generate an atmosphere in our environment and in that of the people around us. Our words can cause one of two things: they can create something good and positive, or they can destroy and corrupt it. What we allow our mouths to speak will create a reality.

If you say to your spouse, “I do not love you anymore,” even if that is not true, what you are saying will produce something in you. If you say something negative, it will create a negative reality. Never say things that go against what God says about your spouse. If God calls them perfect, holy, and blameless, do not go against what God says. Affirm what God says about your spouse! If God says so, I believe it and I declare it with my mouth! That will create a new reality. I say “Yes!” and “Amen!” to the Word of God by affirming what He says about me and my spouse.

Reflect

What are the words that come out of my mouth when I get home and see my spouse? What kind of environment am I encouraging? Are my words building them up? Am I bringing destruction? Do you talk more about getting divorced than staying together? Do you talk to your spouse about the wonderful life you have together? Do you think and say that all husbands, or all wives, are the same? Or are you declaring that your spouse is a holy and loving child of God?

I pray that your words affirm and declare what God says about you and your spouse. 

from Bulletproof Marriages