‘Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. ‘ Ephesians 4:15(NLT)
‘If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:1-13(NLT)
Devotion from Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away by Gary Chapman
The fact that love is an attitude rather than an emotion means that you can love your spouse even when you do not have warm emotional feelings for him or her. That is why in the the first century, Paul the apostle wrote to husbands, “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [by willingly dying on the cross]” (Eph. 5:25). In another of his letters, Paul challenged the older women to “urge the younger women to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4). Love can be learned, because it is not an emotion.
After years of counseling, I am convinced that there are only five basic “languages” of love. They are:
1. Words of Affirmation — Verbally affirming your spouse for the good things he or she does.
2. Quality Time — Giving your spouse undivided attention.
3. Receiving Gifts — Presenting a gift to your spouse that says, “I was thinking about you.”
4. Acts of service — Doing something for your spouse that is meaningful to him or her.
5. Physical touch — Kissing, embracing, patting on the back, holding hands, sexual intercourse.
Part of the problem spouses have in demonstrating love to each other is that they fail to understand that they speak different “love languages.” Seldom do a husband and wife have the same love language. By nature, you tend to speak your own language. For example, if quality time makes you feel loved, then that’s what you try to give your spouse. But if that is not his or her primary language, it will not mean to your spouse what it would mean to you.
So you need to know, and then speak, your spouse’s primary love language. This simple message, which I have shared in marriage seminars and the book The 5 Love Languages, has helped millions of couples. Discovering your spouse’s primary love language and choosing to speak it on a regular basis has tremendous potential for changing the emotional climate of your marriage.
Love is the most powerful weapon for good not only in the world but especially in a desperate marriage. When you choose to reach out with a loving attitude and loving actions toward your spouse in spite of past failures, you create a climate where the two of you can resolve conflicts and confess wrongs. A marriage can be reborn. Reality living says, “I will choose the road of love because its potential is far greater than the road of hate.”
I am sympathetic to those who feel that there is no hope for their marriage. But let’s not assume that past failures must be repeated in the future. With a new set of guidelines and a willingness to take action, there is hope for a hard marriage. And if your spouse is not going to join you on working on the marriage at this time, that does not mean that your marriage is hopeless. One person must always take the initiative. Perhaps that person will be you.
REACT: Go to 5lovelanguages.com and find out what your love language is. Are you surprised? Encourage your spouse to take this brief quiz, too. Share your love languages with each other. What is one thing you can do each day in the next week to “speak” your spouse’s love language to him or her? Don’t worry if the effort is not reciprocated — remember that one person must take the initiative. And don’t forget to pray for your marriage daily.
from Help For A Hurting Marriage by Dr. Gary Chapman