‘O Lord , you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord . You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ Psalms 139:1-16(NLT)
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord . “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”’ Jeremiah 29:11-14(NLT)
My husband knows I get funny about my birthday. It’s not the getting older thing that spins me out, I just hate people feeling obligated to do something for me just because it’s my birthday. I know, weird, right? Anyway, this year he secretly approached all my friends and had them write a special note to me. He compiled them into a big pink folder, then underneath a droopy handmade banner, with tears in his eyes, he read them out to me. It was the present I didn’t know I needed.
But he did.
My husband knows me through and through. My pains, my dreams, and my delights.
And yet, this is the same husband who a decade ago, made me feel so unwanted, rejected and unloved that I froze the bank account and called a divorce lawyer. This is the same man I railed at God for allowing me to marry.
Porn nearly destroyed the best thing that has ever happened to me before it began. My husband is not the man I thought I married. He is so much more. When I think about the fact that God knew this and planned this from the beginning, I become overwhelmed with awe and gratitude. Even when I thought I had picked so badly; He knew I hadn’t.
When everything seems hopeless, and you feel duped and lost and hurt, take comfort in the fact that you have a heavenly Father who formed you in your mother’s womb, knows your words before they are on your lips, and has written and planned your days before a single one of them began. This journey you find yourself on is not an accident. You are a precious part of God’s unfolding plan, and He loves you with an everlasting love.
”For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
from Fighting for Love in a Porn Affected Marriage by Rosie Makinney