‘If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if we don’t feel guilty, we can come to God with bold confidence. And we will receive from him whatever we ask because we obey him and do the things that please him. And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us. Those who obey God’s commandments remain in fellowship with him, and he with them. And we know he lives in us because the Spirit he gave us lives in us.’ 1 John 3:17-24(NLT)
‘So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”’ John 13:34-35(NLT)
‘But Peter and the apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than any human authority. ‘ Acts of the Apostles 5:29(NLT)
‘Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.’ Galatians 1:10(NLT)
I love Instagram. It’s most satisfying to curate an image of my life that cuts out all the tantrums, and tears, and bad hair days. This is the effortless put-together life I want other people to assume just comes naturally to me. It’s the life I wish did come naturally to me. A life without misfortune, mistakes, and big painful areas of brokenness.
Coming forward and admitting that porn was an issue in my marriage was one of the hardest things I have even done. But being determined to be a good loving wife, I plucked up courage, swallowed my pride, and reached out for advice.
Unfortunately for me, the counsel I was given was well-meaning but misinformed. I was told that gentleness and grace, and more sex, would help my husband the most. So, after pushing my hurt and anger deep down inside, I became the best cheerleader I could.
Yet, still nothing changed.
In 1 John 3:18 we are reminded to not love in word or speech, but in action and in truth.
This was what I was missing. My words were having no effect because they weren’t matched by my actions. It didn’t matter how I built him up, for what he actually needed was for me to get really honest about what porn was doing to him, to me, and to our marriage, and set a clear boundary. The most loving action I ever took was to draw that firm line in the sand, stating that I would not be turning a blind eye to his compulsive porn usage anymore.
I know it’s scary to take this particular action in your marriage, especially when others you trust may advocate lovingly turning a blind eye to be the right course. Proactive intervention is tough love. But to a man in captivity, it is exactly the kind of love he needs.
from Fighting for Love in a Porn Affected Marriage by Rosie Makinney