‘And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. ‘ Ephesians 4:26-31(NLT)
‘Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.’ Proverbs 15:4(NLT)
‘The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:21-22(NLT)
‘We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ‘ 2 Corinthians 10:3-5(NLT)
Now that you understand God’s fundamental plan for marriage and you have the top five marriage “must-haves,” all that is left are a few words of wisdom. These are some of the most common issues we have experienced in our own marriage and in the hundreds of couples that we have worked with.
First, are you a reactor or a processor? A reactor is quick to speak and will often spew lava (harsh words), but then almost instantly feels better. The processor will sit back and want to process what is being shared before speaking. Here is the problem with both: a reactor is looking for a reaction and will push a processor way past processing to the point where the processor will snap and lash out. On the other hand, a processor will often “self-process” an issue, and out of fear of confrontation never come back to the reactor for resolution.
So while the reactor is advancing, the processor is retreating. This is a vicious cycle. The reactor needs to “one-time” share their issue and then allow the processor time and space to process. But then the processor has to initiate the follow up conversation to seek resolution.
Second is God’s order. What does that mean? Simply that there is a clear hierarchy in God’s order for family. We have had numerous couples tell us that their reason for doing something was because of their children. Of course we are called to guide, protect, and love our kids, but they are third in God’s order. To be a good mother or father, you have to first be a good husband or wife.
Marriage is a picture of Jesus loving us, His bride, and marriage does not work without the fruits of the Spirit. We are modeling Jesus to our children through our marriage. So to be a good mother or father, you have to first be a good husband or wife. But in order to be a good husband or wife, you have to first be a good son or daughter to our Heavenly Father.
Making sure your relationship with Jesus is on point is the best thing you can do for your spouse and your kids. Get some spiritual healing individually at events like Basecamp for men or Changed for women. (www.truenorth.live/basecamp or www.changedokc.com) These are life-changing weekends that will first make you a better son or daughter to our Heavenly Father, so that you will become a better spouse and a better parent.
Lastly, find some good counseling. These days, with video counseling and tele-conferencing, you can counsel with anyone around the world. Feel free to reach out to True North for recommendations or suggestions on how to identify a good Christian counselor.
Now take some time and ask God: “What do You want me to focus on first? What point in this devotion is my first step? What is my next step?”
About the Author-
We want to thank Trey Dixon, the Executive Director of True North Ministries for writing this plan. Trey has been married for 20+ years and is also a licensed pastoral counselor who has worked with countless couples to help restore broken and struggling marriages.
from True North: LIVE Free In Marriage