‘They are always thinking about how much it costs. “Eat and drink,” they say, but they don’t mean it.’ Proverbs 23:7(NLT)
‘“Besides, who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.”’ Mark 2:21-22(NLT)
‘Take delight in the Lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires.’ Psalms 37:4(NLT)
‘Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. ‘ Hebrews 11:1(NLT)
‘This is a trustworthy saying: “If someone aspires to be a church leader, he desires an honorable position.” So a church leader must be a man whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach. He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not love money. He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. ‘ 1 Timothy 3:1-4(NLT)
To move from a chaotic marriage to a successful one, you first must forgive your spouse. I know moving from a state of unforgiveness to forgiveness can be difficult because of the years of unmet expectations. The only way to make this transition is to start your marriage over in your mind.
Proverbs 23:7 teaches us that we do what we think, so you need to think as if you are just married and forget all the years of hurt feelings. If you cannot do this, then there is no hope for your marriage.
Mark 2:21-22 gives a great illustration of this concept of starting over. It points out that new things require new containers. For your marriage, the new thing is forgiveness, and the new container is a new marriage (in your thought process).
If you try to forgive without forgetting the past and starting over, the marriage will not work. After you restart your marriage by forgiving and forgetting, the next step is to not place any expectations on your spouse.
What the Bible and I want you to do is just serve the needs and desires of your spouse, and cast your needs and desires onto God, because the Bible never told us that our spouses would give us the desires of our hearts. The Bible says that God will give us the desires of our hearts – Psalm 37:4. Furthermore, Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is the substance of our desires, not our spouses.
Can you now see that we have been expecting our spouses to do something that only God can do? You cannot unconditionally love your spouse until you get your expectations off of them, and the only way to do that is to conclude that your spouse owes you nothing.
When you truly believe in your heart that your spouse owes you nothing, you will find a freedom to love your spouse. From this freedom, a successful marriage will be birthed, and then you will qualify to be one of God’s leaders according to 1 Timothy 3:1-4.
from Revive Your Marriage For Business Success