‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:22-33(NLT)
Let me begin with a little-known secret that may have escaped your notice in Perfect Husband class. Your Christian wife wants to be second. She’s not looking to take a backseat to your affection. She simply understands the significance of your love for God. A personal surrender to Jesus Christ is where an individual learns to live selflessly; and where a husband transforms into a principled leader who loves her as Christ loves the Church.
Paul offers efficacious wisdom to marriage partners in Ephesians that many find offensive. We often get bent out of shape about the submission portion, when the most imposing wording is directed toward the males. Jesus charges husbands to love their wives in such a way that it mirrors how Christ is to present the Church before God:
“in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Forget what your wife wants. The kind of love God requires from a husband toward his wife cannot be felt or demonstrated without Divine intervention.
The Bible communicates the serious business of loving your wife. While not natural, God asserts it can be done in concert with Him. There is a settling and security that occurs in your marriage when you begin to relinquish your ambitions and desires to Christ. As this yielding becomes a part of your fiber, priorities change. A husband committed primarily in word and deed to Christ becomes a more gracious and compassionate version of himself.
In other words, when a man embarks upon loving Jesus as his highest priority, loving his wife in this supernatural way, albeit imperfectly, will likely follow suit.
But your wife can’t tell you she wants you to love her second.
Instead, she will pray, encourage you to join a men’s group, or suggest attending church this weekend. She’s not trying to be bossy or steal your “me time.” Your wife senses security and love by your complete surrender to the Savior.
Today would be a great day to begin asking God to help you love her second–more than you love yourself, by making Him your top priority.
from What Your Wife Really Wants but Can’t Tell You