‘Joseph could stand it no longer. There were many people in the room, and he said to his attendants, “Out, all of you!” So he was alone with his brothers when he told them who he was. Then he broke down and wept. He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him, and word of it quickly carried to Pharaoh’s palace. “I am Joseph!” he said to his brothers. “Is my father still alive?” But his brothers were speechless! They were stunned to realize that Joseph was standing there in front of them. “Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives. This famine that has ravaged the land for two years will last five more years, and there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. God has sent me ahead of you to keep you and your families alive and to preserve many survivors. So it was God who sent me here, not you! And he is the one who made me an adviser to Pharaoh—the manager of his entire palace and the governor of all Egypt.’ Genesis 45:1-8(NLT)
‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. ‘ Romans 8:28(NLT)
‘Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” ) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ Romans 8:35-39(NLT)
It stinks being mistreated, doesn’t it? To be the brunt of someone’s joke or to be picked on persistently by someone hurts to the core. It could happen to us at work, at home or even at church. The mistreatment could come in the form of name-calling or disrespect. It might be something more serious, like physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
There are true victims in this world. People who have been attacked, injured, robbed, or even murdered. My guess is that we could all don the label “victim” at some point in our lives. There are people who play the victim card and don’t really have a right to. They have a “victim mentality.” When someone has that mindset, they basically blame everyone for all that has happened to them and they take no responsibility for anything. It’s never their fault.
I don’t ever want to be that person. Do you? But sometimes we are, because it doesn’t hurt as bad to shift blame away from ourselves or even away from someone we love. Being married brings its own set of challenges. Even without infidelity or another type of betrayal, it’s hard work to have a healthy, strong marriage. Sometimes our wounds are so deep and so comfortable that we just stay in a place of self-pity, which turns into a victim mentality.
Only God can transform us from victim to victor. Here are a couple of ways to help you:
Choose forgiveness. Everyone wants forgiveness for the things we do wrong to the people in our lives. But we are far less generous handing over forgiveness when a wrong has been done to us. Choosing to forgive people for hurting you is a choice you will spend the rest of your life making.
Remember that God can use anything for good. What may have been meant for evil in your life can be used by God for good. I’ve seen Him use the most awful circumstances for a bigger, broader purpose that you and I can’t see. There is a bigger picture. And once you’ve found some healing from the immense pain, ask God to show you what it is. Your pain can be redeemed.
Food for thought: Do you typically take responsibility for your actions, or do you shift the blame to someone or something else? If you are a blame shifter, why do you do that?
from Rebuilding A Marriage Better Than New by Cindy Beall