‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:22-33(NLT)
As married couples, we can find ourselves in a negative cycle of conflict. We argue and can’t seem to get past it. It is easy to think the answer lies within the details of who is right and who is wrong.
But typically, we are not really arguing about what we are arguing about. It’s not really about the towel being left on the floor for the 1,000th time. It’s not really about her coming home late from work…again.
It’s about something deeper.
Paul reveals this deeper dynamic in Ephesians 5. In verse 22, married couples are commanded to mutually respect each other because both men and women need and crave respect from their spouse.
Later in the chapter, Paul speaks to wives and husbands separately. Wives are called to unconditionally respect their husbands. And husbands are called to unconditionally love their wives. Without respect, husbands tend to react without love. Without love, wives tend react without respect… and around and around we go. That is a negative chase that married couples often get into.
The great news is that there is a positive chase. When wives feel loved, they tend to react with respect, when men feel respected they tend to react with love…and around and around we go. This positive chase of respect and love… can help us to become… YOUR BEST US.
Action Step
You are only responsible for changing you. Leverage your last conflict to show your spouse unconditional love and respect by letting “it” go, apologizing, or seeking to better understand.
Prayer
God please change my heart so I can change my actions to be more loving and respectful towards my spouse.
from Your Best Us: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think