‘So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:25-29(NLT)
‘We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.’ James 3:3-12(NLT)
‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)
I’m not a fan of phone calls, especially when I’m “in the groove” at work.
When my wife calls, I often get short with her. Plain mean sometimes.
For whatever reason, the “interruption” triggers me. Countless arguments have been caused, and wonderful days ruined, because of my poisonous words and overall lack of honor towards her.
The Bible warns us of the tongue’s fire. It is a world of unrighteousness, a restless evil.
Our words matter.
That’s why commands are given to build each other up and (my personal favorite) to “outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:10) The verb “outdo” is a competitive verb. Heroic Husbands don’t lose this competition. We don’t win by how much honor we can accrue for ourselves. No, we win the day by honoring others, and it is our bride who should receive the bulk of it.
Your wife is like a garden. Gardens exist to be seen as beautiful, to be lingered in, and be treasured. While everyone else must marvel from afar, it is only you she invites in. You follow the radiant, sun-kissed paths of who she is; and though it is not perfection, it is lovely. She is lovely. And it is her desire for you to cherish her innate, God-given beauty.
When my wife invites me in, and I tromp around with a tongue set on “Scorch Mode,” I damage her. I defile the very grounds I’m meant to protect and admire.
Little nags, critiques, “hints”, and (crucially) lack of compliments, flirts, and honor are not heroic.
Pause and consider life from your wife’s perspective for a moment. Think about how she cares for people at work, the home, the kids, on and on. Visualize going about the ordinary, overlooked, un-thanked tasks of her day, all that’s required to maintain a healthy household, thriving relationships, a stable reputation, or a progressing career. Are not these duties worthy of honor?
Husband, this is our call to action. We must shower our wives with words of honor.
I bet there is ground to reclaim here, because damage has been done. I know there is for me.
When we fail,– as we will – we must apologize swiftly. Then get back at it.
Relentlessly choose to honor your bride with your words, even if she calls at an inconvenient time.
from Heroic Husbandry: Reclaiming Hero Status in Your Marriage