‘You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are as white as sheep, recently shorn and freshly washed. Your smile is flawless, each tooth matched with its twin. Your lips are like scarlet ribbon; your mouth is inviting. Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates behind your veil. Your neck is as beautiful as the tower of David, jeweled with the shields of a thousand heroes. Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies. Before the dawn breezes blow and the night shadows flee, I will hurry to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon. Come down from Mount Amana, from the peaks of Senir and Hermon, where the lions have their dens and leopards live among the hills. You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.’ Song of Songs 4:1-9(NLT)
‘For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”’ Zephaniah 3:17(NLT)
Hero, never underestimate how much your wife craves your attention.
A wife’s heart sings when her husband notices details even she doesn’t notice about herself.
This is what we see in Song of Solomon 4:1-9. It’s a Heroic Focus on his bride, starting with her eyes and going lower and lower. How wonderful!
You get to cherish your wife and lavish her with your attention. She is worthy of knowing. You love to behold, she loves to be held.
But the focus of a husband isn’t just sexual. It’s in ordinary moments, too. Those first five minutes coming home from work (or any activity) are crucial. They set the tone for the rest of the evening.
Heroic Husbands win those moments. They don’t walk through the door while on the phone with someone else. They don’t stay in work mode, dwelling on unfinished projects. Instead, they choose to focus on their bride.
How, then, do you hit the ‘Mute’ button on everything else demanding your attention? How do you offer her an unhurried heart, allowing her to experience the full weight of your attention? Two words: human finitude.
Not what you were expecting? Allow me to explain. Rigged deep into the wiring of men is the yearning to be strong, capable, and competent. We hate to feel useless and weak. This can push us towards a Superman mentality. We try to do it all, to take on the world! But this gets us in trouble. We can’t be all places at once.
Wives who are well attended to have husbands who know their limits. Husbands that gladly admit, “Yeah, I’m no Superman. I can’t do it all. I did my best at work today. Now, I turn my attention elsewhere.”
That’s Heroic Focus. It takes courage to let things go undone.
Husband, God made you finite on purpose. It’s not a result of the Fall and it’s not changing. You are a human, not Superman. You will never complete the to-do list. There’s not enough time in the day. Nor do you possess an infinite supply of attention. No, you’re working with limited resources.
The question is, how will you spend it? On her, or something else?
Will you choose heroic focus?
from Heroic Husbandry: Reclaiming Hero Status in Your Marriage