‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:21-33(NLT)
One of the clearest pictures of marriage is found in Ephesians 5:21–33, and it works for every married person, even for those who are coming out of a dysfunctional past. It tells us about the role of a husband and a wife, how they should relate to each other, and what the higher meaning of their union actually signifies.
Still, this passage starts with a very unexpected statement: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). What is really important to keep in mind is that God’s instructions will not appear fair at first glance—until we realize the example He set for us and how the roles of husband and wife are both reflections of His extravagant love.
First and foremost, each partner needs to understand that God is in charge of your marriage and that it should reflect His nature—His love, His concern, His radical sacrifice. It requires a selfless relationship because God is selfless. Marriage is not about fulfilling your own wants and needs; it’s about fulfilling someone else’s. If you enter into it thinking it’s about you and getting your needs met, you’re rejecting the design. We honor God and His design for marriage when we allow ourselves to be used by Him to love our spouse. This requires mutual submission to God and to each other. And yes, it’s hard.
Second, marriage won’t work unless you learn how to love your mate not as you define love but as God defines it—and as your mate is designed to receive it. The sacrificial love evidenced in Ephesians 5 shapes our foundation for agape love. Agape love is choosing to give another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least, at great personal cost.
Third, this passage assures us that marriage has an even bigger purpose than our own happiness. Our joy, pleasure, and fulfillment are important to God, but they are only lasting within a larger context. According to this passage, marriage is a picture of an eternal relationship between Christ and the church. That is the blueprint behind the blueprint of marriage and family. God designed family to be a stable environment for offspring and a fundamental unit of society, yes. But it flows out of the eternal relationship designed for Christ and His bride, the church.
Most people identify a fulfilling marriage and family as something they want to experience in life. In what areas do you find your marriage to be fulfilling? In what ways does it feel neglected?
from Marriage That Works by Chip Ingram